Interesting weekend. On Saturday we had our appointment with the fertility folks which left me really crampy and hurting. H was at his best. He took the baby and DS14 shopping at the mall. He left DD9 with me to help get ready for the girls' birthday party. Then on Sunday we had an utterly exhausting party. Fourteen 9 year old girls in hula skirts, limbo etc... and twenty family members came to help H put together a swing set for the girls for their bdays. DD9 is May 7, DD2 will have her birthday on May 11. It took 6 hours to get the swing set up. At the end of the day everyone had a terrific time, the swing set is up, the girls are thrilled etc... We were both wildly exhausted.
H has been very touchy, feely over the weekend. I was cramping from the procedure but I felt horny so I said something on Saturday night - I said that I had been really hoping to ml and that I hoped it was like gift giving - "its the thought that counts." He smiled and cuddled close. On Sunday morning I came in the bedroom to wake H for church and crawled on top of him and kissed him several times. He responded, rubbed my rear etc... There was definate emotional connection and response happening. I often think that H DOES like that I have a high libido, that I want him but he doesn't like it when that very same libido causes him inconvenience, where he has to work around psychological blocks, or anxieties or situations. In that case he finds my libido and me as a person to be more than he cares to deal with.
I'm considering whether or not and in what way to initiate sex. I'm thinking of just asking so that H must actually decide and not simply pretend that he doesn't get more subtle attempts at initiation or simply lie there on his back like "ok, mb yourself on me, go ahead." We'll see.
For now, we had a very nice weekend and I do feel validated by H and the way that he responded to me. I know I cannot expect to be continually validated sexually or otherwise so I have to keep working from a differentiated standpoint even if we did have a super nice weekend.
