Thank you for the kind words. It isn't as bad as all that about my family. H is happy for them to come visit us often but he doesn't like to take the time to go down and visit them on their turf. My parents love the entertain and have an absolutely lovely home on the water. They want to share it with us and the kids. That is where the issue comes in. I have offered to go down without him and have one time when he had a toothache. Of course, he sees that as ME sacrificing our "time together." I think that this is such a big issue because he isn't close to his family. My Mom is in remission from bone cancer and I understand completely that my time with my parents on this earth is limited and precious. That is why I make sure to have lunch with them often (I work nearer to them than I live) and am willing to fight H on this.
Yes - he does use sleep as a way to avoid intimacy. He stays up late then sleeps late. I cannot follow this kind of schedule because unlike his work schedule mine is regular - I have to be up at 6am on weekdays, on weekends I am up whenver the baby decides (usually by 7). Therefore, it very elegantly allows him to be avoidant. Of course he has his "reasons." He sleeps late because he "needs" at least 10 hours of sleep a night to feel rested. He stays up late because he "needs" to wind down before coming to bed. Is it selfish? Yes, it is. I suppose I have some ways that I am selfish too.
I have gone through periods where I have simply quit working on this issue and worked on myself. The result is that H seems to conclude that I am now happy and satisfied. Well, to an extent that is true. I am confident about who I am, enjoy my own company and that of my friends and family. However, that doesn't replace my desire for an intimate sexual relationship. Therefore, I am still depriving myself and giving him the impression that it is ok with me.
