Jenny,
Yeah, I agree that the "big stick" phrase sounds kinda overbearing. I too believe that its roots were in my desire to protect my family from being decimated by h's MLC. And I do think it imparted a certain reality on him that nothing else was able to achieve.

Still, he is adamant that I was wrong to do it that it way. (It's not like I planned it---it just happened.) Anyway, I still think that his anger at me is a cop out and I have to agree with you and Wesse, that it's just his way of not having to accept any responsibility, and it allows him to continue to blame me for his "unhappiness".

We are at a bit of an impasse. He claims he is unable to recomit to the marriage until he "gets over" what I did. I think he's stalling for time again, thinking maybe the ow will take him back. He never did end the affair on his own. I caused such a stink that she dumped him because she was afraid of the trouble it would bring to her "lily white reputation" (isn't that a gas?) His reluctanct to recomit smells kinda fishy to me. (Not to mention that it irritates the heck out of me that if I can get past his actions, why can't he get past mine?) Yeah, I know what you're going to say, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. GG