okay well I have a dumb thing to ask but going to anyways...
earlier today, H came home today and discovered the kids made a big mess out of the downstairs while I was cleaning the upstairs bathrooms. He was very angry and told them to get cleaning and said he was going to move out and live somewhere else rather then live like this. He yelled at them for a while. Which I didnt like and didnt like that he was telling the kids he was going to go live some where else.
then came to talk to me about it. we didnt argue... I just did a lot of listening to him complain about the kids and tell me what he thinks would be good solutions. I agreed with all he said. I wasnt happy about all they had managed to do either and was eager to get to cleaning up what they couldnt clean up. My youngest leaned on the kitchen table causing all their bowls of cereal, tea and juice to go all over the floor. After having them straighten up the family room and living room we sent them upstairs to their rooms.
I thought I was done listening to my H talking about it all and how upset he was over their behavior, so I went to start cleaning up the kitchen floor. He stopped me and said come here, stand here (in the kitchen looking at all the mess) he went on to complain and point out all they did. I didnt want to keep hearing the same thing over and over I just wanted to get it cleaned up already. and I said okay okay, I got it and now I want to get it cleaned up I dont want to look at it any longer. He got upset with me, and said he was getting all his feelings out, what is he suposed to do bottle it all up and stuff it down inside just because I dont want to hear anymore of it. I said well I am really getting tired of looking at it and talking about it, I have listend to your feelings we discussed and agreed on solutions now I just want to take care of what needs to be done, I dont want to go on and on about it. He then said I was controlling the conversation telling him I had to be in control saying how long he can speak and I am only thinking about myself. I said I dont feel I am trying to control the conversation, we discussed it all and I am getting tired of hearing about it all already. You feel I am controlling, what about you, you want me to have to listen to you go on and on about this getting me upset so you dont have to have this stuff bottled up? so you feel your feelings are more important then mine?
I then decided to just clean and listen to him go on and on and on... about it.
I realize this sounds so stupid but I dont know whats right here. Am I suposed to have to listen to him go on and on about stuff. he will go on for hours! I am not kidding, we used to get into arguments that lasted literally 7 to 12 hours long! even if I try ignoring him he would just keep going as long as he could make me listen to him, so I guess this is a great improvement over then... So am I being controlling or wrong to not want to listen to him go on about things so long? or is that what I have to do to be suportive? or is that just whats expected and I am being rude by not wanting to hear it over and over?
