When I read your post I had to admit I thought of the John Gray book too. Normally the male is the one who gives solutions when presented with problems. I was thinking role reversal too. When Chris mentioned it I knew I was right .
I also agree with you that having a stressful job does not excuse all behaviors.
I also thought about it just being a cycle. The only way to tell is for you to continue refraining from offering advice to your H for a month or so and see what happens. I would have trouble doing that myself. I always would tell my GW "If you just would do this then blah blah". Maybe she just wanted to me to listen. I think your on to something with the active listening.
You seem to be on-line less so I think that should also be making your H happy. Even if he doesn't say it.
New wave of newcomers over there this week. I think Peters right about everybodys wiring being off.
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