well I guess I did good yesterday when he was talking to me about it all. I tend to try to organize my thoughts, think on one thing at a time and come up with the best solution I can then set it aside and not worry on it... but that kind of thought process seems to drive my H crazy. If I go through and talk about one thing at a time with him. its like he wants to be upset about things and dwell on them.
When my friends come to me to talk about their problems I work through them with them and they usually feel so much better. so in realizing this with him I practiced the active listening and didnt try to help him organize his thoughts. just listend to his complaints and didnt comment on his behavior earlier that day, he was apologizing and explaining it. (Hey, when I apologize and explain he gets mad, says I am justifying my behavior ... but he can, okay well thats just him.of course it does seem like a double standard to me)
When he was talking about how he felt about everyone around him etc. I told him well, all people make mistakes and fall to temptations no one is perfect. Many times people get sucked into corruption and there is such negativity in that job that some will get confused and make poor choices. I didnt want him to feel I was defending his friends behavior, and usually when I say things like this he takes it I am defending the on that did wrong. so I then said I just dont know what to tell you, but I know its very dificult when you are let down by someone you care about and when you find out things they do or are into that you dont approve of or cannot condone. I then just tried to listen and be empathetic and understanding but didnt give him any advice or solutions. so I think I handled that well.
as far as personal self I dont think I took care of myself well. I let his call get to me and upset me. I should have thought to myself he is just upset and stressed out and its his problem and his feelings. rather then let myself feel so upset and hurt by it. this is an area I really need to work on.
Is it really possible? can someone you love yell at you and say lots of mean things and accusations... and you just not be shaken by it? you know I have done it before but I was totally prepared for it, this caught me off guard. it takes a lot of energy to always be on guard and prepared... is that just how I need to be? should I expect to live that way with or with out him? am I expecting too much? I guess I am back to questioning whats normal.
