My H asked me to not buy the book until next pay day, things are really tight right now. so I will buy the book in a week. I have been reading over what Theressa sent me from the book. she took notes from the entire book and sent me the section word for word on emotional needs. I printed it all out and H and I have both read it. We both found what we read to be enlightning. I think I do however need to read the book still. The 6 primary needs are right on and that makes a lot of sense.
We have been getting along very well. But we have been here before...
I have been feeling torn emotionally inside. I really miss that feeling of closeness and comfort I felt when I talked to OM. I just dont quite seem to have it with my H... I am sure thats my fault. I am not quite sure what to do about it, I guess time.... I feel distant. I talked to him somewhat about how I have been feeling. I have been feeling very emotional and on the verge of crying. He said he has felt the same sometimes. I didnt go into total detail of what I am feeling inside because I dont really understand it. I think its partly Holidays.
Its hard when we are getting a long well because then I can see whats missing in my feelings. I just dont feel a close connection with him and I guess thats from lack of trust over the past and the many "backslides" he has had since he has tried to change. I am scared it wont ever be right. He looks at me with such love and comfort in his eyes, and I wonder if I will ever be able to relax enough or just be able to feel that with him. I have never had it with him.
I think he has been drinking much more then I realized. He has been comming to bed late everynight, and I swear he seems to be drunk but I thought well he could just be really tired. Late last night I got up and saw him outside sitting in his car. when he came in he said he was smoking, but he was out there a really long time. I just know he is back to drinking everynight... I know this is not for me to concern myself with and its his problem, but it really contributes to me having trouble feeling close to him and trusting him.
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