Heather,

Hey GF Since we're throwing out opinions... I have to say I disagree with most of what Blackfoot says. Just one point. If you dig enough in Dr. Harley's website, you'll also find him saying that no forgiving an A becomes abuse at some point. I've posted the link to you in the past. Your H is abusive - period. I just can't stand by and have it labeled as anyting other than that.. a misinterpretation, etc. You've CLEARLY shown you're committed by staying with him through all of the abuse for two years, going to C and continuing to try no matter how punishing he's being. There is NO way to justify your H's behavior. The A was a very short lived EA, with some kissing. Sad, hurtful, yes. But nowhere near the effect of living with an alcholoic that withdraws from his family for years. Have you ever refused to kiss him because he smells like beer (alchohol was clearly his lover in the past)? I think taking a cab home and not greeting you W and kids after being gone for days is a pitiful attempt at setting a boundary myself. At least you offered your H an option to taking a cab home from the airport. What option did he offer you the night you were embarrased and upset that you couldnt sleep in your bed?

I think you've gotten a lot of good advice this week and are on the road to becoming stronger. Don't be ashamed to be a strong, vibrant, smart and loving woman.. ever. You shouldnt have to break your back or spirit to be loved, cherished and accepted by you mate. That's not the way love works. There's a definition somewhere.. patient, kind, .. you get the drift

Trust yourself.

Sheila