Am I Creating a SSM Part III

[heatherg]

Just wanted to say, why not hold on to a smidge of integrity if you are willing to stay in this M and avoid the sex issue for now.

Ouch. That hit me where it hurts. Don't worry though, I'm getting tougher I know what you are saying. I also know that my posts paint a pretty grim picture of my M and my H. It's not always so bad, it really isn't. And, now that I am starting to stand up for myself....well, it may be too early to tell, but I swear I see changes already. I'm almost not even believing what I think I'm seeing.

For instance, last night, H and I did not end on very good terms. He said "Whatever, I'll talk to you later". Typically, I could expect to be ignored. But he didn't ignore me. In fact, he called me a little while ago during his layover and we had a very pleasant conversation. At the end, I told him I would see him when he got home tonight and we would decide what, if anything, we wanted to do tonight (go out to eat, etc). I was the first to say I had to go.

I have my days where I really feel like my integrity is being compromised in this R. Maybe it is or maybe that's just my percpetion. Either way, standing on my own two feet has helped my attitude tremendously and I feel optimistic today in spite of the fact that H and I have had some pretty unpleasant conversations while he's been away.

I don't know when I would attempt something like I talked about earlier, coming on to H. But I know I couldn't leave the M behind without trying it.