Michele is absolutely, right on. You are going to feel less than sure of yourself for awhile. It took about three months for my wife and I to really feel "security" in the "new" relationship. When I thought about it more I had to ask myself, "How long would it take for you to feel really secure in any new relationship"?
What we really are addressing (at least I know I was) here is "fear". I was afraid of losing my wife, again, over some silly little mistake that I thought I may make. I was almost afraid of being human. In Michele’s book, "How To Change Your Life and Everyone In It" she has a section labeled, "Just Do It". If you think about how much courage it took to get to the point that we are now, how much more courage could it possibly take to just love our wives, in a courageous manner? Well, I decided to "Just Do It". I threw my heart out there on my sleeve and loved her……….that’s it. Like Michele stated, I "Acted as If" I wasn’t afraid, at first (it was an act because, like you said, emotional issues came and went like a tide).
I found out something very valuable in putting aside my fears, albeit by just acting at first. My wife WANTS me to love her fearlessly and courageously. This is the kind of love that hits home and stays there. Believe me, I’ve made some pretty obvious and silly mistakes in my relationship since we’ve gotten back together, but those mistakes were just that……………..silly and trite and, in comparison to my love, inconsequential. I’m not suggesting that you throw all your fears to the winds and run with abandon in your relationship, but try "Acting as If", like Michele said, and definitely, don’t let your fears show in your eyes and mannerisms in front of your wife. I know my wife had to see the same self-confident, courageous man back in the relationship as she had witnessed during our separation. I believe, from my own experience, that it was, actually, more important and necessary to remain self-confident once we were back together than it was during our separation.
Michele is right, you will grow into your "new" relationship. Use the great technique of "Acting As If", because it really does work. And if you concentrate on a fearless and courageous way of loving your wife, she’ll love you back like you’ve only been able to imagine before.
