Annette, I do think it's childish to wage war with an object. I cheated, not my truck. The issue is with me and to try to make it about anything else is childish. I agree.
I let a lot of these kinds of things go on in the beginning because I understood that H was hurting and he was trying to elicit some control over a situation where he had none....his W just cheated on him and he needed to do some things to make his heart feel safer. I want to understand his point of view and I want to help him....but I can't help him and I can't help us if we continue with these kinds of behaviors.
H already told the kids that we were picking him up from the airport. Do I tell the kids we aren't picking Daddy up, that he's just going to meet us at home? Or do I go, drive my truck and take my kids to pick up their Daddy and let H decide in the moment what he will do? This approach is what I want to do, I WANT to take my kids to pick up their Dad, I want to see H at the airport as well. But I fear that I will be escalating the situation and making it volatile....if he chooses a cab, the kids will be confused as to why we are driving away without Daddy, etc. So, although I would like to go to the airport and make H fully accountable for his own decision as to how to get home, I feel like that would be putting the kids in a bad spot.
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
