"My A was a trauma for me too, although I understand my pain isn't nearly as deep as H's."
Sorry Heather. Don't mean to interrupt while you are getting all sorts of advice to sort out. But that statement is BS. While it may be true that some people who have A's don't feel much remorse or pain afterwards, those of us who had our A during a weak emotional period on our lives feel an awful lot of pain during and after the A. Only you truly know how much pain you feel from your own guilt or remorse, and only your H truly knows how much pain the A caused in him, but I am willing to bet that your pain, being the consciencous person you are, is at least in the same level as his. The main difference is that the pain of the offender tends to make us want to fix the M and thus get closer, the pain of the offended tends to create distance. So on the outside the offended's pain appears to be more significant.
I guess what I am saying is don't diminish your feelings, certainly not by placing his pain on some pedestal that you can never hope to bring down.
I hope that makes sense.
Chromo
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
