This maximizer, minimizer theory sounds like it could tie into the pursuer, avoider dynamic as well. Although I would agree that I am the pursuer in the R, I've never really gotten the impression that H *wanted* to be pursued. He mostly just wants to avoid, end of story. That's why 'turning the tables' and not pursuing anymore....that doesn't solve anything in my situation because H gets to avoid and never even has to try. It just happens because the pursuit has stopped.
In a typical pursuer, avoider R one expects the avoider to begin pursuing after the the pursuer has backed off. That doesn't happen in my R. And if I, the pursuer, back off hoping that the avoider will 'come around', I'm sadly mistaken.
There is a lot of narcissism involved in minimizer behavior. You might look into some of that too....
I've read a little. I've always sort of dismissed it though because one of the outstanding characteristics is that narcissists are typically the "center of attention" type and H is certainly NOT that, at least not in the social sense....maybe I'm defining the meaning of 'center of attention' too narrowly? He certainly expects his feelings to be the center of attention doesn't he?
"Happiness is a butterfly, which, when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you."
