Am I Creating a SSM Part III

[haphazard]

The simple answer to this is an EMPHATIC YES!!! Once you learn to self sooth and your partner does too, then need to do so lessens. Just like karate. You are learning to defend yourself, and certain kicks are powerful enough to send someone to the hospital. But do you go around kicking people to feel powerful and boost your confidence? Of course not. Confidence and security come from the knowledge that you CAN exert power if you need to. Another person can be in your face, pushing for a fight, but knowing you can take him out anytime gives you a sense of calmness.

This is really important Heather keep thinking about it.

In my first R with long-term BF there came a point towards the end of the R when we were rowing and he picked up a knife and held it in a threatening manner toward me. I don't know where it came from but I remained completely calm and looked him straight in the eye with a look that said "I'm prepared to die but if you kill me with that knife then you will have lost this fight". He put the knife down and burst into tears. I had not moved a muscle or said a word.

Work on you Heather, and you will develop the inner strength not to have to move a muscle or say a word and he will know your intent. He will know that you are not to be messed with.

Fran