Am I Creating a SSM Part III

[heatherg]

Ok. I'll try it. I'll go today and buy the tools for my arsenal My earplugs and face mask. Bed, Bath & Beyond, here I come!
Thanks for the suggestions and support. I really think it's time. We've tried it his way for two years. I don't know if this will help my M, but I know it will help me. It will be like H to make a new pact to never sleep with me again period, whereas before he was stringing me along with statements like "I can see it happening in the future...". So, I guess I need to be prepared for this to affect our R negatively for a long time. In which case, I guess I'll have to reassess whether or not the R is worth it.
My sister said she thought it was 'weird' that I was so concerned with what my nephew would think of H and I sleeping in separate beds but that I don't seem to be concerned with what my kids think about it. I am concerned about it, but I haven't done anything about it have I? I've been telling myself that I'm working on the overall picture....the 'right now' might not be pretty, but hopefully in the 'end' it will have been worth it. But nothing's changing! When there is no conflict and things go well for a few weeks, H is more affectionate, etc. But that is not change! It's easy to get along when you get along, kwim? All that does is make every day life more pleasant. It hasn't increased our emotional connection, it hasn't made H want to recommit, all the 'rules' are still in place....no REAL substantial change is occurring.
In Passionate Marriage, I am reading about Carol and Warren...this couple Schnarch uses as an example. Carol needs Warren to choose her. I need that too. I've chosen H. In fact I was sure to tell him those very words Saturday afternoon. I want to be with him. Unless he can say or show me the same, I don't know that this will ever work. Any progress that we have made falls very, very short of indicating that he has chosen me.

I'm thinking I will just get in bed tonight and if he tries to argue about it, I will tell him that we can discuss it calmly later. I guess I will refuse to answer any other questions because I know they will just be prods to argue.

I need to have a plan in case he does react physically. How much is too much? I mean what if he just shoves me in the back? You can't call 911 b/c your husband pushes you can you?