Quote: I feel like I've already accepted most of this stuff.
You're missing the point, heather. Read hap's post over several times with out "yes-but-ing" her.
This isn't about accepting your past or accepting your parents.
It's about the fact that you are still in enormous pain. Your life isn't what you want it to be. And you are completely focused on your H, not on yourself. When you focus on youself, it seems to be only so you'll know what to do to make him be what he needs to be for you.
Honey, this is classic children-of-alcoholics behavior. It doesn't mean there's anything WRONG with you... you learned certain behaviors when you were growing up. Those behaviors enabled you to survive. But to thrive as an adult you need new skills, new behaviors in your bag-- the ones that got you through when you were 17 (watching your parents carefully to see what kind of mood they were in, for instance, so you could shape your behavior accordingly) are not the things you should be doing as an adult.
I've said this to others (including myself)-- pardon me, if I've already said this to you: but when we spend all of our time focusing on others, we abandon ourselves.
I think you would get a lot out of attending alanon meetings. You don't have to say anything, just listen. They're free. They have them everywhere. Search the web, or look in your phone book. Alanon is about focusing on your own mental and spiritual health regardless of how your partner, parents, etc. are behaving or treating you. I attended when my bf was drinking, and it really helped me see how I was focusing too much on him and not enough on me.
