Oh for crying out loud Heather - of course it's relevant! You were one messed up kid and H came along like a knight in shining armour - no wonder you bonded to him so strongly, and no wonder you put up with his crap, you've never known any better. Even your friends mistreated you and the fact that you accepted that treatment shows how low your self-esteem was, they probably had miserable self-esteem too which is why they kept dragging you down.
You NEED a massive amount of therapy to get over all this Heather and from where I'm standing it looks like you should concentrate on making yourself emotionally healthy above all else. You are a helluva woman and so strong to have survived all that and as everyone keeps saying you are learning so fast. I really would put the R "on hold", live like civilised roommates for the time-being and go to work on you. Because I can't see how you'll get anywhere with healing the R until you're making good progress on healing you.
You are strong and you are amazing Heather!
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
