Michele, THANK YOU! I know you hear that a lot here, and I sure wish there was words that expressed more then that. It feels good to know I am on the right track because I second guess my self so much.
I was thinking about everything. I was feeling better when I was taking time for myself. I had added Tae Bo to my regular work out for some change, and I took up painting for a completely diferent hobby. My H's blow ups didnt bother me as much. Now I am so focussed on him tyring to "fix" his insecurity problem I do get affected by his blow ups more easily. I just felt like his insecurity is my fault.
Here I have been encouraging my H to go ahead and do all his things he does so he can see what a diference it makes in his life and let me have a life. But I should be the one letting me have a life. Even though I kept trying to explain to him your happiness has to come from within, and I am not responsible for making you happy. I still somehow did end up taking it on me. I was doing everything I could to make him feel better about himself and the marriage so he would let me be and instead I quit doing my things and was way too focussed on him and thereby getting frustrated when I couldnt do what I knew I couldnt do, I cant "make" him happy. Well obviously I didnt learn that lesson well enough the first time around hopefully I got it down this time.
I feel better and a huge weight lifted just knowing I am making this change and putting my focus back where I do have control and thats me.
I am going to listent to the Fire your shrink tapes again.
When I told my counselor I was trying to help my H with his insecurity and I am kind of looking at it like a project. He told me as long as you dont stop doing the things that are important to you thats okay.
I do find being a stay at home mom fulfilling but I am naturally an active person and need to get out of the house way more then I do. hey a need!
Sue 
