Michele, thanks so much for your help and time. I dont know how you give the time to this board you do but I know its extremely apreciated.
I was thinking alot about how my life is so routine and I have deprived myself of so many things I really miss, in an effort to "fix" problems so life can be good. In doing that I am putting myself back in my old place of taking care of everyone but me again. I have been getting my emotional needs met here at this board. when I can give to others and actually help them it feels so good to me, and thats why I was thinking of going back to school to do something in a field where I help people rather then back into business.
I was thinking about what I have read about depression. How stay at home moms are high risk for it because they dont have other areas in their lives to counter the areas they are having problems. this is where I really need to practice more balance. If I have other areas to excell in perhaps I wont be as affected by problems with my H. I noticed I spend pretty much all my time reading and trying to figure out how to fix problems either with my kids or my H. I havent painted, or gone bike riding, or skating for a while. I used to go for runs and when I would get back my H would be going nuts with the kids so I got a treadmill so I could run at home. I find too many solutions I think. Sometimes its just not going to have to be me changing what I do to make everyone else happy.
I was worried about going back to school or work because H is so worried about me meeting someone. I was hoping to get him feeling more secure so I wouldnt have to go through all his drama when the time comes. As it is I hear about everytime I as much as talk about it. I have learned a lot of tools and I guess I just will handle those situations when they arise.
Where I have a hard time is he thinks once I know how he feels about something then I should comply and if I dont it means I dont love him. He says he does want me to go back to school etc. but he is very insecure about it and I should know why and thats what I did. Boy for someone who dosnt want his past thrown at him he sure does a lot of bringing mine up. Thats what bugs me! the double standards! grrr. okay well I just dont have much to add. I am going to definitly spend more time taking care of me and putting my energy into me at least whats left over after the kids, cant help that, hey they are part of me I think its time to go over my goals again and make some changes. Like I tell so many here, their spouses journey is theirs, focus on your own.
Sue
Yes Chris I will get that book as soon as I can, I promise!!! I was thinking the same thing as well.
