Johnswife: You and GG make it sound so easy. I am so scared since H is so set on ending this marriage. I will not file. So many people tell me too...especially my children. But I can't....for whatever reason.
Maybe if H brings up relationship I will say that I will not talk about D for one year. My H will NOT go to therapy. I think I found SBT person 90 miles from here...it is worth the ride for me...but I am sure H will not go. He went once to talk to my therapist since he was worried about me. He went once with me to her husband (that was when he said on a scale of 0-10 with 0 being not in the marriage he was a 0) and then he went back to the male therapist once...and as far as I know he will not return since he does not want to work on the marriage...he just wants out. I must be delusional, romantic or foolish since I can not accept what he says. His cousin, who is my good friend and has become this go between (which I have decided is not good...H has to talk to me if he wants to talk...allthough cousin is on my side if there are sides...she thinks we should work on it...but accepts his adamant decision to end it all)says he is adamant about never coming home. I used a statment you wrote me before when I talked to H and he said something about moving ahead in our lives: that until we legitimately work on this, I am not giving up. H says he has tried..but in his own way to be sure...and he has not included me in the trying. His secretary who is friends with OW (H swears it is a friendship and not sexual...but that is an affair in my heart) is pushing this...she even found name of lawyer for H (cousin told me)..secretary would kiss H's ass (pardon me) if he asked....he is not getting any pro-marriage support except from cousin...
I just feel like I am in this alone...I know I am not since I have all of you...but like you have said, each situation is so different. And my H is so stubborn and adamant and when he says that he was out of the house for a year five years ago so this is not new...but yet he moved us here on the promise he would work on the marriage and he wanted it to work and that if things got bad he would make sure we did something to save it. He broke this sacred promise...yet he says I broke mine too since I stopped taking care of myself emotionally...true...but he never pointed it out until it was too late and OW had captured him in one way or another.
Everyone writes I should be his friend...how when I don't see him and the conversations are tense...and he says uncomfortable...and this is the man I love...help me...dear person...the more advice I get the better I do.
Have a wonderful new year...may you be blessed with peace, joy and love
