Missed you! Glad to see you got your computer problems fixed.
Your post was great because this is something I have been seeing as well. Way back, I posted something about how us LBS's somehow rise above and we hopefully make enduring changes in ourselves - by design as the LBS. And yet, at the same time, our WAS's don't necessarily make the same leap. However, with time, they do but it is important for us to really understand their limitations and I have found a lot of hope working through things together.
This weekend we're going to move house and plop ourselves into the new.
Turns out in a couple weeks, I need to have surgery to correct what was done incorrectly back in March. Just great. How wild it is to hear that W wanted to move and get settled so that I could be comfortable. This month is our 13th anniversary, 15 years together. It also represents a year of DR/DB. How far we have come. And the journey goes on to your point. It is a good thing....
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
I'm as grumpy as the weather here in NE. Been a tough couple of days. WAW and I have been a bit at odds - per usual, I'm embracing the change we made regarding the house - she on the other hand is frustrated that it is in such a state of disorganization. There are many elements of the house that are GREAT and a total upgrade for us - others that are a bit of a step back (but with plans to fix/upgrade later).
WAW forgets this however and is flinging piss and vinegar at every turn it seems. Sometimes fired right at me. Admittedly I've been letting it roll of - probably too much and am prepared to lay down the law. I'm equally stressed about things that are going on and she really has no right to be directing her negativity my way.
She was all in a huff last night after going out to buy a microwave. She called while she was out, but because I was upstairs putting S4 to bed, I didn't hear the phone ring (one phone, downstairs, other end of the house). This morning she reminds me that she is still mad. Oy.
So, I'm just here venting and I try and leap this one of many hurdles, remembering that it truly is a marathon. Which reminds me, time to go for a run....
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
Thanks - I only knocked off 2 miles or so at lunch - but I do feel much better - much more focused. Breathe.....
Ordinarily I'm not big on running - prefer cycling but found that pounding the treadmill, in the same way saved my life - and it seems much more effective at keeping the pounds off!
Sven.
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
Sounds like you are being seriously tested here by your W. Both of you are under tremendous stress with regards to life in general. Having two mortgages does not help, but I bet that new house is nice. Hope to see you at Suger's on Saturday, even if it is for a short time . Otherwise we will all have to get together for a boys night out with the C-man.
Thanks for stopping by. I'm trying to juggle the Saturday schedule - I have a cub scout thing killing about 2 hours in the AM - if I can make up the time, you will see me Saturday night.
You are right - this is a test - or a hurdle - whatever.
Things were better last night - WAW needed me to pick up dinner - which I did and then proceeded to cook. I made brussel sprouts much to her surprise (she was very pleased). We lost power around 10:30 or so, and we ended up "cuddling" on couch. All good.
But she continues to test - particularly since I am equally stressed about work and the lack of a home sale and all the $$ going out the door right now. But it will level out - I found that I was getting a bit complacent - needed a wrap to the head to get myself back on track.
Not quite there yet.
I do know however that where my head was at yesterday was very different than a year ago or two years ago. I would have been very wuss and cowered - and even would have considered ways to "avoid" conflict. Yesterday, I remained strong, confident, and in control. Ready to redirect her anger - while also being understanding of where she is at. Got some great help from a friend on that one (thanks TJ).
Other thing of note - that was adding to the "stress" and things I needed to process. Got a call from a headhunter looking to place me in something making a good deal more money. I told them "if it requires 60-80 hours a week of work, I need to pass". Would have gone for it pre-bomb. And this comes at a time where the last year has caused us plenty of financial stress. More important for me to focus my energies at home. What you focus on expands.
The new house seems to surprise us with little problems at every turn. Nothing earthshattering yet, but small, sometimes time consuming and costly things. The punch list is growing by the day. Weeeeee!
Moving along...
Onward and Upward...
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
It's become a big awakening for me more and more how much they test us. But I'm also realizing more and more how much this can inspire us to grow. Here's to hoping one day we appreciate it.
That was a huge thing for me - and perhaps a tough leap for many. In fact, the bomb as crazy as it might sound probably saved my life. I know that being 30+ lbs lighter, in the best shape of my life and really putting value to RELATIONSHIPS - more than I ever thought possible has been extremely important in my life for the past 15 months.
So I appreciate it every day...
Hence tat's of a Pheonix on one arm and the Chinese symbols for Faith, Patience and Love on the other. Forward...
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
Selling and moving houses can be quite stressful so that could be adding extra pressure. On the other hand, having the pressure and working through it is a good thing (because basically, there will always be something around the corner that needs to be worked on). Overall it sounds like you're doing well. Hang in there!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Been a little bit since my last post. A quick journal regarding a bit of a breakthrough.
On the homefront, I left it that WAW and I were at a bit of an “stall” on the next big step of healing (physical) that needed to happen. We were talking about it and that was good – and I clearly was seeing this as a love or fear reaction going on which was making progress tough at best. Well, anyway, Wednesday was WAWs 40th birthday – sadly she had to work, but I picked up a cake and we had cake for breakfast that AM – with candles and the whole bit.
She then went off to work Wednesday night. I put the kids to bed and then blitzed a whole bunch of moving/lifting/etc (especially stuff from the garage to the basement) knowing after Thursday, there would be NO lifting for 6 – 8 weeks. It got really late (she went out with her work friends after work) and I actually started to get kinda p-ssed. TMMW, our phone was out and she couldn’t call me. No matter, I finally bedded down at around 1:45AM. HRRMMMPHHHHH. Note, I'm not sure I mentioned it here, but I needed to have surgery to repair a botched hernia repair back in March of this year.
I nod off for a bit and I then I hear her get home. I told her Happy Birthday again (half awake) and then this n-ked body get into bed and says how about some birthday s-x! Without getting into details we COMPLETELY Christened the new house (twice) and dispelled any notion that we could not get our SL back. All the while her telling me that I have never k-ssed her like that, or done this or done that…..
I’ll leave it there. On our way to the hospital the next day, our mutual friend calls and WAW says, “oh yea, good night… and when I got home, Sven F—ked the sh-t out of me – TWICE!”.
Nice.
It was a nice tipping point to the whole thing. Still lots more to go of course…. The couple days we were in the hospital were tough – I don’t become a nice person when on heavier meds and while she KNOWS this, she doesn’t “excuse” it. Now, we’re (more so she) is stressed out with all that we need to get done on this house. I called her on it last night and she has been MUCH nicer to me since.
So we're wending our way along - too bad what happened last week cannot be repeated for a week or two because of the surgery - but it answered that huge question on both of our minds on whether we could get out SL back. But it meant a BIG surrender on her part I think. A really big deal.
Xue, I cannot help wonder if there is some of this going on with your WAW too - giving up that amount of control is huge and day by day as you break down that wall through your own strenght and integrity - must bring some momentum at some point.
In closing for this week - Happy Thanksgiving to all my US based BB readers - it might be tough to think we have lots to be Thankful for - but we do - a great group of support her and continued hope for reconciliation - stranger things have happened. Keep the faith.
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
. Otherwise we will all have to get together for a boys night out with the C-man.
