I just wanted to say that your posts are wonderful. I had no clue as to how hard this piecing stuff would be.
Talk about patience!!!
Both of us are still so guarded, sometimes I feel like it is a Mexican standoff...which one is going to shoot first.
Perhaps this is where trust comes in again and needs to be rebuilt.
Having spent the past year rebuilding our friendship and now making final plans live together again, and restore our family makes me happy and also scares the crap out of me too.
But I guess life is too short not to take a risk.
My WAH is also my preference, it is what I choose. I don't want someone else in my life. Most of the people I know think I have finally lost it, and can not understand why I would be willing to try again after all that has happened.
But I have finally learned that I need to do what makes me happy and not listen to the well meaning negative people around me.
Anyway, I just wanted to say that it is wonderful to see how much progress you are making.
By the way, our family also had one of the best vacations ever, just before the bomb dropped in Old Orchard Beach, Maine.
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
A Mexican standoff is a great description. I was in a Mexican standoff phase for a long time and didn't really realize it. For me that phase had to be broken by "giving up" otherwise it would have gone on forever.
BTW try a Mexican standoff with a ChexMex. They are genetically engineered for stubborness.
I haven’t posted here in SEVERAL weeks it seems so a quick journal.
Well, there’s really not much new to tell. We closed on the “new” house back on the 22nd. We’ve been busy stripping wall paper from EVERY room and getting ready to paint. Still haven’t sold the old house so the stress is starting to creep up a bit. I continue to DR/DB, started bass guitar lessons (lifelong dream) so the spirit of GAL is alive and well. I continue to watch interactions, but it seems more and more that the wall is coming down….all the way down. I posted on someone’s thread (MMO?) that we have seen a resurgence of ILY when ending phone convo’s, etc. But what is great is they are doled out more "sparingly" if that makes sense which admittedly, I like and it keeps us centered.
The physical elements of the R continue to be a “challenge” – but its equally both of ours to address – meaning time an opportunity – any of you with three kids can probably identify. Don’t misunderstand, there is more and more “physical” stuff going on – hand holding, “cuddling”, and kissing. And, at the same time, I take NO issue with showing how much I desire her – not in a needy way, but more in a “this is what I want” way. Example, when I get home after work I used to give her a kiss on the forehead or cheek (and often that would be all she would “offer”). Now, I come home and I don’t go to her right away, but instead say hi to the kids, maybe mess with them a bit then I go up to W, grab her, spin her around and plant a couple kisses right on her neck or up to her ear. Then walk away. Fun stuff.
And she is funny….a couple weekends ago, while bustin’ hump on the house we’re selling (been painting and replacing old clapboards), we’re having lunch and she says, “okay, why is it NOW that I want to ML”. “you know, you look the best when you are out working on the yard..”. To which I retort – and you wonder WHY I want to start a lawncare business and get out of the corporate world?!!!!. And next time, I’m taking you up on it – I tell her I’m installing a lock on the bedroom door of the new house.
On the flip side, there are it’s moments, but I am amazed at how we both “recognize” and interact differently. Last Saturday I was VERY stressed because I was trying to get to the last things needing to be done on the old house. At the same time, I had some errands to run and some things that I had promised the kids to take them to. One of which was giving my S8 a ride to a friends house – which he insisted we do on the motorcycle – very cool and he was the coolest kid there, awesome. Anyway, I had lost several hours that day and I was frustrated. W could tell and she asked if I was in a “mood”. Before I would have said “no, I’m okay” – this time, I said “yes, I am. I’m f—king frustrated, I’ve got so much to do and blah, blah, blah.”.. She says “probably best to leave you alone then”. I calmed a little and said “I just want to be done with this house and putting some effort on the new one. To help you over there”. She’s appreciative and she sees me as human. A big change I think.
To close for now, we seem to be continuing along. Still way more good than bad and if we can start getting some physical stuff going….
One more quote from this weekend. We’re talking about how now some of our closest friends are going through their own rough patches. Two sets of couples are now very close to the possibility of D. Sad. But as we’re stripping wallpaper, W says “you know, it’ll probably be that X & Y couples get d’d, and you and I will survive”. Profound…..
Life is good. Onward and upward.
Oh, one other postscript – I, like Xue have been spending more time reading other sitches and chiming in where I can but the theme is usually the same – I do what I do for me, first. I’ve said it before and since I travel a fair amount, I love the FAA required statement by flight attendants that “in the event of a loss of cabin pressure, air masks will drop from the compartment above. Adults should secure THEIR masks first before helping others and small children”. It’s not selfish to go for self preservation. For me, most of you have seen my personal mission statement and one of the most important elements is I seek to grow in myself such that I can give to others. But I’ll never force myself on someone else. In the end, don’t give someone else the “mask”. Inner strength and happiness is much more attractive and much easier to share when in abundance. Okay, I’m way too much like Ghandi now….time to go…
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
Thanks for dropping by my thread. Figured I would catch up on your sitch since you updated.
First off, it's great that you can get stressed and feel comfortable sharing that stress with your W. It's even better that she is understanding and supportive. Sounds like a lot of good growth there.
The physical part sounds like it's moving right along too. I think that is one of the hardest things to comfortable get back into. It seems you have the right idea.....being playful instead of pushy! I hope it pays off for you!
On another note....I am jealous about your bass guitar lessons! I have searched and searched for guitar lessons since I moved here and have yet to find anyone who isn't two hours away! You must be in the Southern part of the state.
Keep up the good work and the great attitude!
I'm moving on...at last I can see...life has been patiently waiting for me.
Me-32 WAH-35 DD-11 DS-4 H left 11-03 Piecing- 12/04 WAH again- 03/07 Married 12 years Divorce final May 15, 2007
Nashua? Figures. Hahaha..that's the end of the state where everything is. The closes I have found to me yet for lessons is Manchester.
I am up here in Ossipee. Love the peacefulness and the woods. Not really loving the bugs and some of the pesky animals that are an abundance out here though. But, there is NOTHING out here. Somedays it's a blessing, other days when you actually feel like doing something it stinks!
Enjoy those lessons!!! Remember there are those of us who are jealous!!
Thanks for stopping by my thread again.
I'm moving on...at last I can see...life has been patiently waiting for me.
Me-32 WAH-35 DD-11 DS-4 H left 11-03 Piecing- 12/04 WAH again- 03/07 Married 12 years Divorce final May 15, 2007
Well, not much to report really. We continue to grind along - more good and really not much bad. I shared the story of this past weekend on GH's thread where I stood up to W's grumpiness that she was directing at me with good result - ended in her apologizing. Way different on my part than a year ago...
We're both pretty stressed out - trying to get the new house ready for move in and get the old house sold. The market REALLY stinks right now. Our old house has been getting a lot of views (online) and a consistent level of showings, but no bites yet. I just bought a St. Josepth statue to bury in the front yard and will keep praying.
All and all like I said, we are getting along beautifully for the most part.
On the sad side of things, the mutual friend that was instrumental in getting me through this had caught her H cheating back in February and just told me about it. She is hurt and frustrated beyond belief. I'm being there as much as she was for me. Her H I consider a friend, but I cannot really approach him on it. She is holding off on doing anything right now. It kills me to see this happening to them...I'm hopeful that some inpiration watching W and me might change the course there...but it will likely not.
Onward and upward...
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
Hi there Sven - Sorry to hear about your friend going through this same stuff we have all struggled through.
Hey, you sound great though. In many ways, having a 'joint problem' like selling the house, can be a unifying thing. Something you share. Hope the buyers bite soon tho.
I'm slowly processing my own views on all this - in many ways, I'm trying to come to terms with a 'new perspective' on NG - I guess with that little bit of detachment I can see his limitations too, and can see how some of my hurt stemmed from attributing him with more strength than he would actually own up to.
– but its equally both of ours to address – meaning time an opportunity – any of you with three kids can probably identify. Don’t misunderstand, there is more and more “physical” stuff going on – hand holding, “cuddling”, and kissing. And, at the same time, I take NO issue with showing how much I desire her – not in a needy way, but more in a “this is what I want” way. Example, when I get home after work I used to give her a kiss on the forehead or cheek (and often that would be all she would “offer”). Now, I come home and I don’t go to her right away, but instead say hi to the kids, maybe mess with them a bit then I go up to W, grab her, spin her around and plant a couple kisses right on her neck or up to her ear. Then walk away. Fun stuff. 
And next time, I’m taking you up on it – I tell her I’m installing a lock on the bedroom door of the new house.
