Well, I did as planned and put the envelope out yesterday with an invitation - had a picture of a Harley, a route map (so that she could chose the distance which I labled: NEAR (Soft), MEDIUM (Spirited), or LONG (Iron Butt). I also included what I thought to be a great place to do lunch in each town.
Sadly, she passed - BUT, she did say that she would "prefer" to do dinner. I expressed disappointment but quickly turned it to understanding. She says that she is not comfortable getting on a bike that is that big - that I haven't ridden before. That's fair. So to get some practice in, I'm getting the bike anyway. I'm actually borrowing a friends so all is well and good. If she changes her mind - great. If not, I'll take off with the boys on separate short trips. She did describe how stressed she is *AGAIN* and that Saturday we should spend working on our various house projects. Again, totally fair.
One thing she did say which struck me is that she wanted to have Saturday with the boys since she has to work on Sunday. This struck me because I can now see how SHE had put the boys and other things before the marraige as well. This might sound blasphemous, but a year ago when I was way out of balance, my IC and my committment to myself made me realise that in most ways, I need to put me, and my R first - ahead of the boys. Not by much mind you, but like the FAA required announcement on airplanes goes "put your mask on before helping small children". You're no go to anybody if you don't have your own stuff together. This is WAW. She has for so long put other's needs ahead of her own, her identity is lost. So slowly, your paraphrase below is right on.
For me then, it remains paramount that I give back to me - not overly or selfishly - but healthily. The other night when she got home all out of sorts I was on a PMA high. And as much as she sucked out of me, I was still able to go to bed that night, drained, but still feeling good about myself...
We'll see what dinner brings. I've been counseling with a few others on an "R" talk of sorts - not specifically about US, but more about ME and what I want out of life - and how much I want to share that with those around me. I'm also trying to figure out what book I can get for WAW to read over vacation that will give her that little kick in the butt to go and get the counseling that she so desperately needs....
Dinner will hopefully be great however - I actually bought her an outfit to wear, have the place all selected (Brazillian BBQ) and we're off....
Inspiration anybody?
Onward and upward....
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
