You know, WAW got home from a night at her grandmother’s last night – I was a little stressed out about her going there, particularly because OM’s house is a stone’s throw away…but I let it go. Comforted by the fact that when she and I talked on Monday night, she mentioned that she had bought me some clothes at the time when she would have most likely been able to sneak off to OM’s house. Obsess not.
I actually had a VERY productive evening at home that night, organizing and cleaning up the kitchen, mudroom and living room. All good since WAW has been b-tching non stop about what a mess those rooms are. She was thankful last night when she was doing her inspections – however did manage to dig on me for the place I chose (she forgets of course that I cleared it with her) for our vacation. Opting to add that I “waited” too long to book it and hence now we were stuck. Well, I’m sorry that I didn’t book a “FAMILY” vacation house back 6 months ago when you were rolling in the hay with some other guy and that when you finally got you head right it was JUNE and that summer rentals are usually GONE by MARCH! I spent 4 days looking for the place and it was the best I could do!!
Ah, I feel better. Needed to write that out.
She then goes on to describe how homesick she is (having now been back to her hometown). That she hates our house, hates our town, etc. That months back she had considered moving back to her hometown, but only stopped because of our S10 (who would simply implode if we were to move). I A/V’d and tried not to solve – other than making that an option. She eased on her positioning – indicating that the house isn’t that bad, it’s just that the list of things to be done is overwhelming. We NEED to finish some work we did in the back yard (took a bunch of trees down which were hauled away, but we need fill, etc.). Then there are a bunch of smaller, quick hit projects we need done….
As FMO describes, I could see her having “pop up” windows going off all over the place. I A/V’d each and just tried to be there. I did however commit to finishing all the things that need to be done. We need a plan to start knocking these things off. In the end, we both would like to move – stay in the same town for our S, but now is not the best time (market has softened) and we need to get that back yard cleaned up. WAW is exhausted and depressed and I’ll admit, I’m exhausted by it. If she could only let go…..
So the depression on her part is not fun. And its not about missing the OM. She needs to get over this past hurt – the ACOA stuff that robs her of her happiness. I’m going to see if she’ll read some books on it, but don’t want to force it. Last night was a real bummer because I was on a real PMA high – which I let her crash. Bad, bad.
I wish I knew of a way to help her process it all….thoughts on the forum?
It also dawned on me that my IC had her diagnosed perfectly. My WAW cannot be happy – everything is short lived until she deals with her stuff. We could sell the house, move to her home town, settle in and then something would come up that once again kills her happiness…I’ve seen this to be true now. I love this woman, wish I could take away her hurt. I know I cannot, but I can keep from adding to it I suppose.
So, we’ll try the Harley trick this weekend. I was going to do it as a surprise on Friday night, but thought that wouldn’t be good (as much as she rode me to be spontaneous, she equally rides me for when I surprise her). So tomorrow AM, I’ll leave an envelope out with an “invitation” to go on the ride this weekend – I’ve procured the babysitter, planned the route and location and am ready to go. Heck, if she says no, I’ll take our mutual friend, she said she would!
Onward and upward….
Sven
Last edited by SvenTheRed; 07/26/0604:13 PM.
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
