I thought the roller coaster would level out a bit but it has not. Might just be my Gemini bi-polar tendency at work, not sure. I did come across an e-mail by WAW to a friend that she used to hang out with when she was seeing the OM – in it she says that she is still thinking about him, daily. Its funny, I also see her almost “pinging” friend in order to get information about OM from her (does he miss her, that she thinks about him…blah blah). Now, mind you, I’m not looking at her e-mail per se, she has left the window open on our home computer – I have to wonder if she is doing this to get a rise out of me. I doubt it, I just think she has a million things going on and is just getting careless. Disturbing nonetheless. Starting today, I'm going to revert back to the promise I made to Frank_D and simply close the windows she leaves open and not read...because...
Mind you, the OM doesn’t matter. At the end of the day, he doesn’t matter. I need to keep focusing on me and I think I have been slipping. Between picking up all the things that need to get done around the house now that WAW is working so much, taking care of the kids, work, etc. has left me with little “me time”. Also haven’t been to the gym and that isn’t helping me keep a clear head.
I ALMOST blasted WAW this weekend for her b*tchyness. I did 180 a couple times when she accused me of a couple things that I didn’t do (or in a couple cases defend why I did what I did). Also, another 180 yesterday when I approached a real arsehole at our 4th of July parade and asked him to move out of my kids way as the parade approached. WAW would have needed to ask me to do that in the past. However, she still “criticized” me for what I did (although later I heard her commenting to our friend about how I did stand up for them - good). The day was not lost however as we went to he beach (coast of NH) for the day and had a great day. At one point I was down by the water with the boys having a blast when I looked back at her on her beach chair – couldn’t help but HOPE that she was thinking what an idiot she would be to lose all this….
We also haven’t been to the MC in about a month now – and we should probably go – just trouble trying to find the time lately. I’d really like to start having R talks about where we are going and to resolve our issues in the bedroom, but I don’t know how that happens until she starts to open up – and would likely do so only at an IC.
In the end, I need to find some time to get back to goals, etc., back to the gym and onto the bikes (road and mountain) to clear the head...
So the journey continues...
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
