Okay, here is my struggle –and I was thinking that it applies not just to my feeling of safeness, but equally to my WAW.
The question that I am struggling with is since I “moved” back and WAW started to “cool” in her interactions with me, I’ve noticed that our communication has changed every so subtly. Now, maybe it hasn’t really changed at all, because when we weren’t under the same roof it was basically pretty superficial and all. However, I would have expected it to get a little deeper at least on some level. It has not. Again, perhaps it is too early for it to have and we have not seen MC for two weeks (we are scheduled to go this week – assuming the floods stop). So I might be reading more into this, but…
It seems that the last four days she has been avoiding me like the plague. In fact, she has worked the past four nights in a row. Friday night she got home at an obscene hour. I’m dying to just plain ask if that is what she is doing – replacing her weekend retreats with OM with this work schedule. Funny enough if you have followed the sitch, this is one reason we are here in the first place – my prioritization of work over all else. Now I see her doing the same.
As a part of my GAL and a years worth of IC, I have completely re-engineered my life around me, my family and God bless her WAW. And I feel great about it. The other day when I said I didn’t like the fact she was going in to work, it was met with, “well, its money”. Frankly, as I move home, money becomes that much less of an issue.
Part of all my self discovery, reading great works like DR, 5LL, Mars/Venus, and For Men Only, I have become acutely aware of WAW’s moods, need to talk through things, etc. And I am good with that.
So, I’m stuck and maybe it is a patience thing (isn’t it always). HOWEVER, I bit my tongue when she came home so late the other day. And I’ve bit my tongue as she has avoided me. Note last night she asked if I was staying at the apartment tonight – meaning I think she wanted me to.
I feel compelled to ask what is going on in her head. Is she okay? Is there something she wants to talk about? I will hold off until the next MC. That is a better forum. And this is her journey as well.
However again, I feel more the need to write down (actually edit) my list of wants from the R. And with that the boundaries that would be necessary. I would not offer them first, quite frankly during the MC, I was going to suggest that she tell me first what she wants from the M/R. I was reading back one of the threads that Shinybear started and it talks about how when you start piecing you have to start again dealing with (y)our stuff. I am having a big trust issue that is made worse when the WAW is hanging out in her well to steal a Mars/Venus thought.
Question is do we idly sit by and wait, or do we push gently the concept of communication and boundary setting….
My worry is not her retreat, but mine….not to old habits…but to my new life…
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
