Thanks AK for the encouragement. I’m certainly hopeful that my thread in piecing is not short lived! And a great suggestion you provided. I’m not in any hurry per se to hear the words, was just wondering how to deal with the awkward pauses.
An update of the last couple days because things have gotten a little chilly.
I was “home” until yesterday. I decided yesterday, based on her cooling off the past day and a half or so that it would be best if I stayed at the apartment. I told her I needed clothes and some space. As I was leaving last night, she asked me if everything was okay. I said “sure, just tired”. It was late and I didn’t want to fall into an R talk – I really wasn’t ready.
What a ride downward – not all bad mind you – but to think a week ago, we were all lying in bed as a family watching a movie. WAW and I slept, spooned and hand in hand. Now, we’re distant again. The skeptic in me believes the OM has crept back into the picture again – I know he had been calling (caller ID) much of the week. I further suspect she misses him. It is amazing that this came not from the caller ID findings, but more from a genuine awareness of how she is feeling.
Funny however is how I feel. I’m oddly at peace and still ready to keep marching on with MY life. I think a huge mistake I made a week ago was to just say sure on the moving home. Part of me really wants to now say “I’m not really sure I want this any more.” Or, more making it about her “I’m not sure YOU are ready for me”.
What I do know is I really want a loving relationship right now – and I am not getting one. WAW has the capacity and this is where I think OM is playing a part. She has not completely let it go and I won’t have a snowflakes chance in H-ll if he is still in the picture. Furthermore, I won’t accept him being in the picture. She either wants to reconcile with me, or she does not. What I find troubling is that she told the boys that I would be moving home. How much will that suck to tell them I’m not, AGAIN. At the same time however, I really hope she would be sensitive to promises like that without true intention.
She’s trying to get a business going and that has her pretty stressed out. That is complicating things tremendously because she needs OUR capital and my business acumen to get it going. And it comes with a bunch of risk of course. How much damage to the R might result as a part of that?
Anyway, we have an MC tomorrow AM which I hope to flush true intentions out at. They need to be out there or we cannot move forward. While I just landed in piecing, I need to remain resolved (which is shaken a little bit) to work this thing through. I want to keep moving forward, not backward. Hopefully she shares the same intention….
Might sound like a lot of self loathing, but believe me it is not. I feel stronger and more self-confident than I have ever been and I am ready to rock and roll. I guess I am just being impatient. Stop IT!
UP!
Sven
Never sacrifice the great for the good. Sometimes the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair.
She either wants to reconcile with me, or she does not. What I find troubling is that she told the boys that I would be moving home. How much will that suck to tell them I’m not, AGAIN. At the same time however, I really hope she would be sensitive to promises like that without true intention.
