We are moving forward however I am feeling my way through this just as I had to feel my through getting my H to realize he still loved me.
Today H again brought up the subject of the new SUV we plan to buy next year and how he would like to make a large down payment. He asked me to think about it. H knows I will be recieving some money from my inheritance and that would allow us to make a huge down payment. I told him I would think about it but I was not sure I wanted to do that. He asked what was wrong and I told him I am still wondering if he might not change his mind again down the road. He said that is not going to happen and he was adamant about it. He said his whole ema was a big mistake. He also said he understands that I need time to trust our relationship again.
My H certainly seems to be happy and willing to make changes in the way he treats me so that he is more affectionate and loving towards me as he realizes now that he needs to do these things to meet my needs.
I was gone a couple of hours this evening babysitting our new grandson and when I got home he said our therapist called and has left the tapes she offered to loan us at her office and H said he will pick them up in the morning. I asked him if they talked and he said only for a couple of minutes. I believe him because he was watching the 4th quarter of an NBA game. I told H that sometime I would like to know what he thinks caused him to change his mind about us. He responded by saying "ok someday but not today". He doesn't want to talk about it.
I am sure my H has lots of feelings and I wouldn't be surprised if he is feeling like he was really stupid to get mixed up in an ema. I am not going to push him for answers. Right now I am happy being happy and we both agree that it is today and tomorrow that count. And he adds all the days after that too.
So I guess what I am trying to say here is that communication is opening slowly and maybe there are some things that are better off just being left alone. I know if I kept hammering my H about what he did he would pull away again and you know what there are some things I just don't want to know anyway.
