I agree with you that this will finally be a happy place to post our success stories. i still read many of the posts, but have not posted anything for a while. I was very busy working on the marriage with my H, and somehow I didn't know what to say to people who were hurting so much and so much wanted to be where we are now. My story was an accelerated version of most people's stories...his affair lasted 3 or 4 months. I found out about it in August and he wanted a separation because she was so wonderful and understood him and satisfied every need he had. Sound familiar? Well, he never left, but told me he stayed for the sake of the children. I think that was the story he had to give because it was easier to say that than to say he really loved me. The ensuing weeks were very tough. I could not bring myself to trust and believe in him...but isn't that what a marriage is based on? I found myself thinking about how he betrayed me from sun up to sun down. Then it was a few times a day. Then every couple of days. Now it is every three or four days. I worked on myself. I have decided that I can depend on myself and that I like myself. I'm not sure that I would want to go through this kind of horror again...but if faced with it, I know I will be confident enough to go on with my children without a husband. I have taught my husband what unconditional love is. I have taught him that, yes damn it, love is enough. The being in love part comes and goes throughout the marriage. We just have to learn that when it goes we have to find it within ourselves to make it come back.. It is not the other person's fault usually, it is what is going on inside of ourselves that make us feel that way. I have learned not to bring up the past, especially to hurt my H in any way, shape, or manner. He suffered through this as much as I did. He still has to live with the guilt and knowing how deeply he hurt his family. But we all love him and have forgiven him. Our life is back on track thanks to this website and DBing. I don't know if I could have found the strength to behave the way I did if it weren't for the people here that have been through this kind of thing. My initial reaction was the same as most people's, but when I learned about how to deal with myself and how to deal with my H through this board, Michele's book, and a ton of reading materials suggested by members, I knew that I could make this work. Deep down in my soul, I knew from the moment that he said that he wanted out, that what he really wanted was for me to listen to him. At this point in time, we are stronger than we have been in a long time. Our sex life has been slow to redevelop, but it is getting better and better by the minute. We cherish our time together and spend it talking and listening...planning and reminiscing...laughing and crying. I feel sad when I read about the stories where people have done everything that they can possibly do and feel the only way out is to release their spouse. I realize most people have been in the DBing mode much longer than I have been (and I say it that way because I will live my life in that mode from now on. DBing does not end when the spouse decides to stay. It is now a way of life for me.). I know the energy it takes and I give you all a lot of credit for how hard you are working at your marriages. All I can hope is that DBing has given you inner strength and the determination to make your life whole, with or without your spouse. I consider my story a success, but it may not have ended up that way without the help of many many people who kept me going, helped me through my slip ups, made me understand that my case was almost textbook, and that I was not alone. It was a Godsend to find this place. God Bless everyone and keep on DBing.
