I read your thread and it honestly brought a tear of happiness to my eye (well both actually). What touched me is your success and knowing how powerful seeing the results of your actions is.
When I first started trying to actively listen it was difficult and controlled but now with more practise I find it relaxing in that I don't feel that I have to either take it personally or need to fix anything. So I listen and basically enjoy my W instead of becoming involved with the problems she is talking about.
Yesterday my W said in a joking way that it was no wonder we had been in the mess we were in because neither one of us were understanding nor meeting each others needs.
This is huge! It means that the she has started to accept that the problems have been due to our behaviors and lack of understanding not because of who we are.
We are now starting to have more talks about specifically meeting each others needs. I have already seen the results in her actions. I respond to affirmations, while she is more of a quaility time person.
