Quote: Oh. You are one that is swayed by your circumstances. Rather than one that stands firm, believing, in spite of them.
That'll certainly give this revelation more power than it ought to have.
I actually don't think that's fair. I think I have emotions and FEEL things because of my circumstances but I do a pretty decent job of maintaining my "stance".
Quote: My sincere guess is that the trip will be deeply tainted and covered in little passive aggressive maneuvers and hurt expressions and resentment unless you get this out in the open.
No, the trip will not be tainted because I will not go back to being the passive/agressive ass that I was before. Either I will talk to her or I won't but if I can't be truly ok with this and not talk to her, then I will do what I have to do. Period.
Quote: Second, this really is an opportunity for you to show your wife that you can handle the truth, that she does not have to protect YOU, in fact, you can support her. You can show her your strength and compassion even while not pretending not to be hurt. This is an opportunity for you to be there for her, AND for her to be there for you. You are taking this away from her unless you do talk about it with her in a reasonable period of time.
Ok, I get this. I am going to try but I WILL not talk to her until I can do it in a way that is less emotional that I think I am now. That may take a few days.
Quote: P.S. BTW, don't you feel some relief related to this as well? Finally, it is out. Finally, you know you aren't imagining things. Finally, you have a piece of the puzzle that explains so many recent happenings. Finally, you can see that you really can't control all of this and everything does NOT turn on what you say or do. You cannot be the perfect H and DBer and fix things alone, it is not and cannot all be on you...
