I read through your latest sitch. I am going to try and give you some advice(For what that is worth)
You said that you had already delt with the fact the your W had a PA with OM even though she only confused to a EA.(I think I got that right)
Well if you already had processed those emotions of a PA then I don't feel you would be reacting this way to finding a receipt. I think no matter what you tried to convince yourself the R with OM was, still part of you held on the hope that it was just an EA.
So you are hit with evidence that says it was a PA, by your reactions I don't think right now you are in a place to talk with your W about this. Right now you need to process this inside yourself first.
I agree with the Others, for your R with your W to move forward she needs to come clean with you, and lay it all on the table.
I also agree that this can not stew in you for weeks and not be addressed. But I think the wise course of action would be to take a few days and deal with this for you.
Then when you are in a good place emotionaly about everything, then you talk about it.
I also agree with your assessment about your W stress, I am sure this is why? You will know in a few days when the time is right, you will also be in a better emotional state to talk with her and DB your butt off during the convo.
