I like your script. I still say I am not coddling her, I am allowing her to play this out. Isn't that what DB is all about? I KNOW there always comes a time when confrontation and "showing pain and anger" are necessary but isn't that more of a last resort than DB?
I know you are saying I need to talk to her much sooner than later. I hope you will respect my opinion that I don't think that is the right thing to do. I don't see it as coddling her nor do I see it as enabling her to "manage the emotions of OM." I see it as taking the same, relatively successful approach of detachment and not pressing "R" talks that I have been using. Why should I change that now?
I look at my situation and I see all kinds of points where I could have shown pain and anger to NO positive end. The shirts, the bear, the rings, her cell phone, hell, everything that I ever perceived as evidence. I never did that, and for that, I think I have had pretty positive results thus far. I am really leery of changing that way of being now over something that "doesn't change anything."
You yourself said that when the day comes that I find out the PA is a fact, that it didn't have to be that terrible thing that ends my life and causes utter turmoil, that it was up to me to decide how I was going to deal with that.
I think I am choosing to deal with it the best way I can and still maintain my sanity.
I still have not ruled out talking to her but I have to see some value in it other than just letting her know how I feel about snooping and finding out something that I think means she had a PA and was possible pregnant with him.
IF I never found that, would you still be advocating that I talk to her tonight? I think I hear YOU saying that this changes something more than I am and you have been the one most adamant all along that this was likely a PA so I needed to come to grips with that. I did, and so this is not a deal breaker for me. Not yet.
