Amy, I know I do too but sometimes I wish I didn't. Sometimes I wish I could just go OFF like I want to. I am still shaking so badly. I need to calm down. I KNOW I already knew this but...
It's like when I used to fight in Martial Arts tournaments. It's one thing to know you're going to get hit, quite another when that first one lands. This feels like one landed squarely in the you-know-where.
Quote: If she was having a PA, at what point did you believe it to have been over?
I don't KNOW she was, I just always suspected she was. I had NO evidence until now to support that theory so I never really put a time frame on it. I suppose I assumed it was going on the entire time they were seeing each other and maybe it stopped when we went to Ireland. I seriously never really thought about a time frame.
Quote: Imagine for a moment that that is what happened. Imagine how scared she must be to have even had to TAKE the test, knowing that it was over and you two are trying to reconcile....
This was one of my first thoughts. It's honestly what made me just come up here and post insetead of confronting her, or at least what gave me a little more strenght to do so.
Quote: Could that be what is happening and it not be as bad as you think?
Yes. It could be. It think it is the most probabale scenario but you never know. It still hurts. Like I said, I just got a right hook the the "mid-section."
Quote: You CAN deal with the fact it was a PA rather than an EA.
Yes, I can...I think. I claim to always HAVE been dealing with it as if it was a PA so I'd better be able to handle it now that I know almost for sure.
Quote: She will be sorry that that happened, but let's assume the best instead of the worst. The need to take that test was a lingering result of an affair.
Yes. This would be the best. I hope that's the case. The not knowing is really bothering me and I don't usually let that get to me.
P.S. LET THIS BE LESSON #12232352 in the reasons why snooping is BAD (even though I was not technically snooping). I "knew" she was having a PA but the piece of paper brought it home in a way no "idea" ever could and ALMOST pushed me over the edge and in to doing something (R talk) that I could have regretted...hell, I am still considering it so it may HAVE pushed me over that edge.
Quote:
You can do this. You have what it takes. I know you do.
I hope so Amy, I really do. This just came so unexpected. I try SO hard not to snoop and then this. It's why I stopped snooping so long ago. It's why I tell others not to. This really sucks.
I need to go back to my couch and stare at basketball, listen to some more music and hope I can control myself.
