Quote: It sounds like you are trying to maintain the exact amount of distance that she is comfortable with. This will not give her space to figure out whether she wants you or not. She will always feel comfortable staying exactly where she is as you move in and out to preserve her comfort level.
Ok, I guess I see this but it seems the time to "give her space to miss me" was earlier, and I did. I gave her the space, and I mean real space because for awhile I was not even really physically coming near her and was not in the house that much. When I was I was with the kids, not her. I still give her the space she wants now but to give her more than that so she can "decide if she wants me" seems to be counterproductive at the stage we are at. I am trying to be the man that meets her needs, or at least the ones available to me to meet, while also preserving my own boundaries and GAL. If I distance myself from her, or give her MORE space, that then will just be more of the same old me, gone all the time, upstairs when I am home and generally unavailable to her. She already told me she hated that "me" so why would I show her more of that so she gets reminded of how the "bad old days" were?
She has made comments that she likes that I am around more and that when I AM around, I am really "there" with her and not just waiting for the next thing to take me away. How do I reconcile her liking the new "me" with the space I should give her to "miss me"? I don't know if she ever really "missed me" in all this but I do know she is discovering how to appreciate me being around.
I personally think she DID miss me all these years and now likes having me around, ESPECIALLY since I finally GET that she does need her alone time sometimes, even if I am in the house. That is something I NEVER understood before.
So, I get what you are saying but I don't necessarily think in my case, more space is what she needs as much as time to work this out. I WILL keep thinking about this and look hard at the sitch to see if my opinion changes.
