-- I know better than WAS does what WAS wants/needs. No, you really don't. That is why your WAS is pushing you away. Don't be arrogant.
-- I am a better person morally than WAS. No, you aren't. You may not have had an A but you have been the source of great pain for another person for a long time, you have violated your vows to be a loving supportive partner in many ways for a long time.
-- I have perfect insight into the "crazy" behavior of WAS Your WAS's behavior probably is probably based on pretty rational motives. MLCers are in *crisis* for a reason. They are dissatisfied in their lives and taking a hard look at what they want. They are strong enough to change things. It is hard to change things and finding yourself at midlife can be a very disruptive thing that involves trying out a range of options. But, MLCers aren't simply crazy. They will never be happy returning to their old selves or old lives, so quit waiting for them to want to do so.
-- WAS will always regret leaving me. Unlikely, the alternative was staying in an R they found to be intolerable. Any movement from that is probably an improvement.
-- OP is evil Unlikely, most people are good at bottom. They may be uninformed about the real state of your M or in denial about the real harm that As cause to the parties involved. But, OP is not likely an evil person. Many OP have genuine concern for the LBS, but greater concern for the happiness of the WAS. Yes, the OP often have their own problems, just like your WAS. They may be controlling, needy, and manipulative, just like many LBSs. But, they are not evil. Nor are they at all the source of the failure of your M and continued S.
-- the A is an empty an meaningless R that cannot involve real caring Nope. An A can involve genuine caring between two people who share real pain and help each other cope. Sorry, but it is true.
-- the A is doomed no matter what Nope. Some As turn into the best longlasting R of a person's life.
-- I am right and in the end I will win This attitude is arrogant and treats the R as a battlefield and the WAS as a trophy. It is in no part the mindset of a person who eventually negotiates through a troubled M to find a healthy M
-- WAS needs me and will fall apart without me A belittling attitude that treats the WAS like an infant. It is not the attitude of a loving partner toward his or her equal. No one wants to feel less than a complete competent human being equal to one's P in an R.
-- WAS's life will be horrible without me WAS's life was horrible with you. Maybe your life wasn't horrible, or maybe you can't yet acknowledge your own unhappiness and pain, but it is a sign of deep disrespect to continue to insist that WAS was happy with you.
-- if I really love WAS, I will be there no matter what, always on the doorstep in case WAS decides to let me back in If you really love WAS, you will give them space and freedom to discover what they want from you
-- WAS can't deal with what it would be like to lose me WAS can deal with it and will deal with it if you won't give WAS they need before it is too late. Space involves giving the WAS to gain a real understanding of what life without you would be like and then to choose that way of life if they want it or to choose to try to reconcile if they discover that is their preference
In a word, LBSs are not better than WASs. LBSs are not smarter or more moral. LBSs are the one's who lacked the strength to confront the problems in their M first. WASs confronted the problems first. LBSs are the ones who become strong enough because of the pain of losing the WAS to work to improve things and change. WASs may or may not be able to get the space they need from LBSs to reach that point themselves before all chances of reconcilliation are exhausted.
Let go, be happy, get a life, quit controlling, drop the superior attitude.
