Piecing in Infidelity-land...GH part 10

[PositivelyListening]

Good morning GH,

I have been catching up on your posts and am truly amazed by your R talk with your wife last night. Your W is so lucky to have you. If all human beings could be so unconditionally loving as you have been, the world would be such a much better place. I get that it remains to be seen whether her self esteem and mental health will allow her to stay with you or if she will choose a more destructive path, more familiar to her (such as continuing the controlling manipulative R with OM). But your advice to yourself:

I still see this as a step forward. I still see things as progressing towards reconciliation. What this talk did for ME was once again let me feel like she knows where I stand, and that I understand where SHE stands. I know that I need more patience and all this talk of intimacy is too much, too soon. She needs to put this OM thing behind her and until she does, I need to DB my ass off and do what's best for me as I have been for the last 5 months. It's too soon to think about anything else.

is the best advice any of us could give you right now. I see this as a very positive step, for your M but also for you. It is helpful to receive information periodically and know what's going on. Your W is beginning to get that you are on her side. Continue to love her, and supporting yourself in retaining a detached stance - take care of yourself today. I am glad for you that you had this talk on so many levels, particularly because you got a very good indicator about where she is at in relation to you, to OM, and to sex - all three of which you wanted more information about. If you can bring your warm undemanding self home to greet her today again, she is going to feel safer and safer in trusting you to value her needs rather than trying to control her. And she will continue to share with you. The OM baboon is clearly trying to control her - I think she will see this eventually. She is just addicted to a pattern of destructive behavior of which he is a symbol. My H had a habit of choosing needy women to rescue in his past, and I was a pretty distinct departure from this. But his OW is a needy woman (in a bad marriage, father in the hospital, nobody loves her, nobody appreciates her but him, blah, blah, blah) and he was drawn to that once again, just like he was drawn to her as a connection to his past because she lives in his country of origin. My H has to decide what is healthiest for him in his life, and if he wants a new future or to return to a familiar past, just as much as he has to decide if he wants to be with me. Patience and time are on your side. GH, you are the best. Hang in there, and be proud of your accomplishments. If your W works all of this out and chooses to fully recommit to your M, you will have an amazing R because of the work you are doing. I believe that in her heart she wants this. She is just needing to strengthen her muscles in this new area of making healthy choices. Be a role model for her - make some good, healthy choices for you today!