Quote: 1) She seemed more present and really into the sex -- a good thing, but doesn't in anyway guarantee an O.
(2) You felt her muscles contract blah blah blah... All of this can be faked.
1) Yes, and 2) I guess.
Look, I am not one to ask "how was that for you?" afterward. I don't need to be told "that was great" and I don't need to feel or hear anything to make my ego feel good about what I did. I just enjoy "doing" for my W and I THINK she enjoys what I do. The real reason I think I know W has had some and maybe not sometimes is that I don't think she'd actually go through the effort to fake it THAT well. I doubt she has a CLUE what physical signs I know to look/feel for. We NEVER talk about that stuff so how would she other than assuming that I must know somehow. The bottom line is that I have never really been that concerned about it. I think she had a good, sometimes great time in bed. I think my seduction efforts or lack thereof were SO horrible and lacking any kind of passion and it was SUCH a chore to actually GET to the good part, that it turned her off to think about it. That's my impression of why she seemed to actually enjoy IT but didn't want to do it that often, because it seemed like such work...even I thought that and I wanted it all the time but was hesitant for the same reasons.
Quote: First, this is pretty much what ALL men think. Second, pretty much ALL women fake sometimes and MANY do so very regularly. So, it looks like a lot of the men are just plain wrong.
Yes, and a lot of those men probably need to hear that their wives are "satisfied" every time in order to feel like a man. I don't need that. I WANT her to have an orgasm, and I think she often did, but if I found out that she faked or that it wasn't AS good as she made it out to be, my first reaction would be to find out how I could make it better, NOT have my feelings crushed. I think it's possible to care if my W is satisfied without NEEDING it to feel good about myself. The truth is that my main focus in bed is my W's pleasure, so much so that, as I discussed much earlier, I rejected her from things SHE wanted to do for me and thus added to an already difficult situation. Could I be wrong about all this? Sure. Could my M be in trouble because I insist on thinking I am at least somewhat right, maybe, maybe not. I am fully aware that I seem to be two people. One is the semi-shy guy who has trouble with intimacy and the other, this confident man who seems to know what to do when it comes time to do it. Maybe the truth is that I am really just me, a normal man who THINKS he has a clue and really does not. I can only hope that through this process of building a new R with my W, we get to address these issues in an open, direct way. In fact, I won't allow us NOT to do that if at all possible.
Quote: And yes, they all say "Yes, but..." and go onto give evidence as to why *they* are the special case. Guess what.... They aren't.
Yes, and by special case, they mean why their W's NEVER fake because they are the most amazing super stud alive that knows how to please a woman every time. I do not claim to be that at all. I am only saying that I accept the reality of the situation and think my W has been satisfied sometimes and not others. I know that all sex cannot be of the "amazing" variety. Sometimes it is amazing and others it's simply ok, for both of us. I don't want to accept a lifetime of "ok" sex and I don't think that's what we had. Clearly I need to know if that's what my W was thinking. It has been PAINFULLY (not literally of course) obvious when she was NOT satisfied and as I said before, to the naked eye, pretty obvious when she was. Then there is the vast in-between that I admit I don't know about. I don't think that is claiming to be an "exception".
Quote: If I were your W and your confidence and ego were so obviously and tightly bound up with your ability to reliably induce real O's, then I would be very unwilling to be honest about any dissatisfaction in that area.
As I said, I doubt my W has a feeling one way or another about this, the topic has never come up. She hasn't asked, I haven't asked, we just don't discuss it. We do it, enjoy it most of the time (I think) and then don't talk about it. I think that's part of the problem. We NEED to be more open about this. Like I said, I doubt it VERY much if my W thinks I am "wrapped" up in her having an O, and if she does think that, then she is projecting another man's "wrapping" onto me most likely.
Quote: I can't imagine that she has a hot sex life with you that really gets her going and gives her great O's, but is one in which she has been entirely uninterested in for years. It does not add up.
And after all that, I will give you this one. It doesn't add up. To be honest, I would sound MUCH more sure of myself if it weren't for this "not adding up" part. As for her being uninterested, I don't know about that. She just wasn't interested in me kinda half-heartedly trying to initiate sex with her. She just wasn't interested in it after I stripped away all the romance and passion from my end of it. Understandable I suppose.
