Man GH, I really hate to see you going through all this...I can defintely tell from your posts that this is nearly beyond frustrating for you. Truthfully, I don't have any answers (yeah, great, huh) but I do think you are harboring some fear of rejection here. Now I understand that she hasn't given you the "signs" and only she knows why, but it may be time for you to, at the very least, have a discussion setting forth some of the things you've been talking about on here. At the least, you can clear the air and let her know how you feel and maybe, in the process, she can give you some ideas as to what or what doesn't work. In the meantime, have you reviewed DR? There is a pretty good section on reviving the passion in a passionless marriage.
Something else to consider, either concisously or subconsioscly you are coming across as "needy" in this area and its something she can sense. Look, I agree with you that it would be damn nice if our W's would be all over us after realizing that this is what they want. But the fact is, it usually doesn't work that way. Right now, she is a strange place in her mind. She feels guilty, she feels lost, she feels a lot of things....maybe she's grieving the fact that OM turned out to be a big A-hole after all. That's a lot to process.
Something that I have been reminding myself lately with regard to my sitch is that when the shoe was on the other foot, my W stepped up and was the one who became more intimate and affectionate with me....I didn't come back begging for her and I certainly didn't feel that I had the "right" to be intimate. Do you kinda see where I'm going? I felt very guilty, I felt lost and unsure. She was the one that turned up the passion and guess what, I responded. Funny, now that we are back to piecing, she reminded me of this the other day....something for me to mull over as well.
"Achieve success, but without vanity; Achieve success, but without aggression; Achieve success, but without gain; Achieve success, but without force." Lao Tzu
