IS MY MARRIAGE WORTH SAVING???

[hurtingagain]

Thanks... I was DARK. I think that's what pissed H off. I wouldn't take his calls. He's liKe I called you and you wouldn't talk to me, so that's why you didn't know I"m taking her. I think he wants to control me and since I've been avoiding him. He wants to draw me back in playing these games.

I have an atty apmt Tues am. I was ready to try to divide things using one lawyer so it could be over. At first I wanted to try to work things out, but after he told me he cheated on me 3 mos after we were married, that made my mind up. IT'S OVER, it's like H was never in the marriage and deceived me for 24 years. I don't think he likes me deciding, he wants to be the one to decide. And I'm wondering if he's trying to piss me off for his own use in our divorce. So he can say she gets so pissed and angry, D16 should be with me. He's a very manipulative person and I HATE the way he's manipulating my D16. He's screwing with her mental health so bad, but he don't care. She's a pawn in HIS game.

I want out of this marriage and I don't want to have to talk to him. I want him out of my life. He disgust me and I don't even want his last name. He's embarrassed HIS family so much. We have a unique last name and he's known even though we live in outside of Indianapolis.

I'm so tired of him stirring up anger and guess I'll have to play hardball. One atty said that we could set it up that he'll have to be drug tested in order to have D16 with him and if he fails. I drink occasionally and she told me I'd have to remove everything from the house. I have a wine fridge that I need to empty. I hate this because I know it'll drag the D out and we'll truly HATE each other when it's over.

My other option is to NOT mention her rehab or H drug abuse and just get it done. She may choose to live with him. Some people say she'll get tired of H having his women around and feel she's in the way. It's like he wants to HURT me by taking D16 away.

I was truly hoping once he got his house. He'd have some time alone to think about it all. But since D16 is over there and his ho's, he's never alone. He's someone that can't be alone. He says that OW he's going on vacation is no-one to him. But he'll bring her into my D16 life anyway and use this OW until someone else better comes along. I know H is MLC because he's so much worse that he ever was and out of his MIND!!!

I say it'd been so much easier to be a WIDOW!!!! I can't believe how bad things were and now I can look back and see how mentally and emotionally abused I've been during this marriage. He isolated me from people. He never wanted to do anything with other couples or such. It has been a SAD existance. My commitment to my M, Christian values and all kept me with him thru hell.



m