Quote: H never enforces rules and tries to be her friend not her parent.
Yup, got me a D16 who is the same way....exactly. H is Disneyland Dad to her.....I, on the other hand, have to explain why there isn't enough money to get a pizza for dinner.
When my H first got his condo, D16 was there almost every weekend. This was because H let her have parties and bought everything she wanted. I was so hurt.
I would call her the morning after each party and ask how it went. Always got a 2 or 3 word answer....phone calls lasted less than 5 minutes, with me doing all the talking.
But I just let itself play out. Yes, it took patience. But eventually, D16 began to get aggrevated about how much she had to take to the condo....how much she had to lug up there and she always forgot something important. (This is because H decided NOT to stay in our neighborhood and has a condo 40 miles from our house and D16's school) so it makes co parenting so much more difficult.
Anyway, that was last year.....
This year, she hasn't stayed overnight with him since January. When I ask her why she isn't spending the weekend with H, she tells me she is busy or he is busy, or whatever. I don't know if there are other reasons. (Maybe OW stays there and D16 doesn't like her....I have no idea, because she doesn't tell me). But she seems contented to be in her own room at home these past few months. In fact, she told me the other day that she wouldn't be staying with her dad til after finals (which are the 2nd week of June).
Yes, I wish he would "push" for more time with her. And, yes, I wish I had a weekend where I wasn't chauffering her and friends around to movies, the mall, school events....but I have found that it does no good to "push" her towards something she does not want. I just wish H could see how much he is missing not having her around on a day to day basis.
So I guess I haven't been very much help to you...I just wanted to tell you not to take it personally. 16 yr old girls are very moody. Even my therapist told me not to expect too much in the way of sympathy...they have their own issues and blaming ourselves for their being depressed or cranky is fruitless, mainly because most of the time it has nothing to do with us.
