IS MY MARRIAGE WORTH SAVING???

[hurtingagain]

I've tried to keep busy today. Cleaning 2 of the rooms H moved furniture out of. Boy, was there some dirt lurking under everything. I do feel a sense of accomplishment.

I visited a gym yesterday to look at membership. It's rained her for 7-8 days in a row and been dreary. So haven't walked like I normally do 3 times a week.

I did ride my recumbant bike (indoors) for a hr and do some dumbells exercises. Want to get a yoga or pilates dvd to do at home. Not sure if I can afford a gym membership right now until I know my finacial info more. Any suggestions for a good dvd?

I'm having a week moment now that it's 5. I want my H and did call him for some stuff he needs to do and left a VM. I hate missing him, but what else can I do after 24 yrs with the man. The sun peeked thru and we'd do walks after he got home. My D16 isn't home and rarely is now-a-days, making for lonely evenings and weekends. I did rent a dvd to watch tonight.

[Holly06]

Hi.
I relate to the long marriage and missing the husband in the evening for walks. I like the gym idea, but I have opted for Jazzercise instead. All girls,,,,,Have you thought of that?

[Holly06]

How do you check cell phone callsd?
I get the bill, but he is the main subscriber.
I'd like to know

[hurtingagain]

I had setup our cell phone records with the the password, so I can check them online. Using your last bill, you might be able to setup if H hasn't done it already.

[hurtingagain]

talked to H Tues about getting mopeds ready so we can sell them and clean out garage (since he's in his own house now).
During conversation, he kind of flirting with me. Hey if you want me to come over and take care of you (sex), let me know. I just laughed it off that I hadn't drank too much...

Why does he talk this way if he wants out? Like still want to be with you occasionally. It really CONFUSES me. Is he just being egotisical? Think he's the ladies' man or what? Any guys offer some light?

[hurtingagain]

So far a great weekend. Saturday started with yoga class (my first one) at a local rec center. It was great, went with a good married friend. We hooked back up around 3 since her H was gone for the day. Went to applebee's to eat then headed downtown to INDY. (Hey it's 500 time so lots of people in town). We hooked up with another friend that just moved out from her H a week ago. What is it, everyone seems to be splitting now a days.

So we had a drink at a pub, then around 8:30 went to a club. We had a great time talking to several guys and dancing. What a great workout, I hadn't danced this much since I was 20 something. What a great workout and fun. Enjoyed dancing with two guys most of the night. My stbx never danced and the last guy was a great dancer.

Over the past 10 yrs my H had become antisocial and we never did anything much fun.

[grasshopper]

Why does he talk this way if he wants out? Like still want to be with you occasionally. It really CONFUSES me. Is he just being egotisical? Think he's the ladies' man or what? Any guys offer some light?

Ok OT, ladies, get ready to slap me but I think it's because he CAN, and for a guy, more so than a woman, that is a motivating factor. I don't know if it's so much ego as availability and also you can't discount that he probably LIKES SEX WITH YOU a lot. That's not to say he's willing to stay in the marriage to have it, but he is willing to muddy the waters a bit.

Also, there is the possibility it DOES mean something to him.

I don't know if you can read too much into it either way. I am pretty sure he could have sex with you without having near the emotional attachment that you have, or suspect HE has. That's why the issue of post-bomb sex is one that is touchy for me, especially when dealing with a WAH/LBS wife situation where the LBS still ML with her H. I always wonder how much of that is her trying to use the sex to stay close to him and him using sex, well, to "get some". Sorry to be blunt.

There were a couple of relationships I "wanted out" of but still wanted to have sex with the women. It's a conflict of interest for sure but...

GH

[oldtimer]

Why in the world would I disagree? Didn't we just have this conversation somewhere, lol?

Generally, WAHs do it because it keeps them comfortable in the fraction of the R they maintain. It gives them something they need. LBSs do it out of fear and neediness.

Oldtimer

[grasshopper]

I know OT, I think I am thinking of a time when I somehow suggested that guys just "wanted" sex more than women, which of course was absurd...or at least I know that now, lol.

GH

[hurtingagain]

Thanks GH. I'm moving on and don't intend to have S with STBX again. I think it's just his big NEED and he'll get it anywhere he CAN. OW, one nighters or me. On our vacation in April, we ML 3 times a day and had great sex, so maybe he does miss it. But it was nothing to me. There was no emotional or spiritual connection. It was only a physical thing. This helped me to see our R was over and I don't want to be with H anymore.

In the last month my emotions and self have seen that I need to move on. I can't be with this wimpy guy, he has no backbone, respect or much more. I am a special person and have bent over backwards for our R. I gave it my all and don't feel bad that it must end.

I appreciate your replies and posting so much. I see my STBX as shallow as they come. He was never in our marriage, unfortunately I didn't know it until this last year. My C said we see our spouse as ourselves, so I wanted him to have the integrity, loyalty, commitment that I had. Now I see why he was such a jeleous bas###. He thought I was doing what he was guilty of.

God created SEX to be such a celebration of our humanous and relationship. I hope to have that in the future with someone that is spiritual connection God designed. In my divorce class, it talked about how you leave part of yourself with someone thur the act of sex. It's a joining of our souls so to speak.