IS MY MARRIAGE WORTH SAVING???

[hurtingagain]

On Sat, 4/15 H called, asked me to walk. We left around 2 and went downtown Indy and walked the canal. Then we walked to 5 diffenent places, having a drink and appetizer at different ones. It was a gorgeous day. I'd been in a b**chy mood all week since I'd seen H was calling my brother's X, day after we got home from 15 day vacation.

I playfully asked him when the first time he cheated on me was. At each place he'd try to barter I'll tell if.....
Well after we left the last place and had 20 minute walk to car around 8pm, he told me that he'd cheated 3 mos after we were married with an xGF that live in our apt building. He also told me that night before we got married, friends arranged 2 girls for a orgy. Says he didn't partake, but his friend's sister said he and friend did that often. This is 23 years ago.

I calmly said that if he'd wanted another child, we may never had been foster parents and our D may not have been molested. He stopped and walked in opposite direction. I kept walking to the car and I had the keys. I ended up leaving him downtown. He's still claiming he walked home because he didn't have money, but don't believe him for a second.

Since that episode, I've tried to avoid him. He called a few times this week and I didn't answer or call him back. I did today. He left msg asking how I thought D was doing and I'd said something about if he wanted the bedroom suite.

Well, I wasn't nice and downed him about the money situation. Saying he'd have to come up with some ways to divide our assets, like maybe sell something to get cash. I did see a atty 2 weeks ago, but don't have money for the retainer and just don't know.

I think I need to let my emotions subside before I decide anything. H says he wants the D.

After the trip, it appears that he's not calling OW he was seeing before our trip (at least from his cell phone). But like I said above he's calling my brother's X, which lives an hour away. My brother says H told her, we are OVER.

I can't seem to stop from checking his cell phone recs and see last weekend, that he's calling a new gal. He talked to her over an hour last Saturday at 4 am. Then many other times thru the week. My gut says, he's a slime that has sleeped around our entire 23 yrs. marriage, though I only confirmed the 2 gals. I just think he's someone that can't be faithful and that I should run.

It's hard when you have a child with this stranger person, who, could be in MLC. He keeps saying he wants to take the summer off and spend it in Aslaka. He's 48 and feeling old. Over the last year, he's really been into partying at a bar downtown and frequents it on the weekends.

So here it is Friday night. I tried to setup something with friends, but nothing came thru. The nights and weekends are hard for me. I know he's out screwing around. That's NOT who I am. I thought about this week, I can't remember the last time we slow danced. He's kept his distance for years. For the truth to come out, it hurts.

As a woman, I thought he left that life behind when we married. I was 22 and he was 25, I thought he'd grow up.
Now I just wonder why I wasted 24 years with this man.