IS MY MARRIAGE WORTH SAVING???

[hurtingagain]

HELP!! I've never been so hurt or frustrated in my life.

H 48
W 45
M 23 years together 24
D 16
H moved out 2/18/06, lives with brother


Where do I begin? It's like I'm in my own soap opera!!
What I thought was real, wasn't. It's ALL been a huge lie and I feel so foolish.

History: 3/2004 My H moved out the week we took my D who was 14 then to local stress center for cutting and not able to deal with life behavior. He was moved out when she was released. At that time, there wasn't another woman that I know of. We dated each other during the 4 mos he was moved out and got closer. H moved home a week before my MOM died.

Stress of dealing with our D, 2 businesses and life took us back to kaos.

We scheduled a cruise for D spring break in 2005. The night before we left, D had an overdose. Took her to hospital and left for trip as planned. When we returned, her dad and she got into a terrible fight, she tried to commit suicide.

A week later, we found an adolescent drug rehab program for her and she was there 5 months. We had little contact with her the first 6 weeks, but then saw her twice weekly and had family counseling.


My H uses pot every day and has since the 70's. He was smoking with D when I wasn't around. He was always having secrets they were to keep from mom.

I had the feeling for months that we were hanging by a thread. We were in counseling, then he didn't want to go.
After he moved out 2/18/06, I checked his cell phone records showing the OW phone number appearing for 4-5 months. I found her name and it was someone that he'd known for some time. He kept denying the A, it's just business. He's a builder and she'd come into money and was going to build her 2 houses.

I finally called OW and confirmed the A. H showed no remorse at all.

My D16 finally told one secret, that H had driven her by the land OW was buying to build 2 houses. H and OW were going to live in one and they were going to build D16 her own house. This was in Jan/Feb timeframe before H moved out or I knew anything. So he'd confided in D16 about his plans to be with OW. I'M so FURIOUS of how he plays with my D emotions. She's 16, what is she suppose to do. Be the secret keeper. She's always told me that DAD is different when you're not around. Guess H thought he could be himself with D, but he doesn't have clue how WARPED his mind is.....

He also told D that OW was coming into money. Didn't he remember where our D had been a short year ago????

We had spring break vacation planned before he left and he went with us on that. We had a good time, had sex but I never felt connected to him at all. I understand now that his SOUL was missing, no where to be found.

A few weeks after the trip, we went downtown to walk and stopped at 4 different pubs to have a drink, then walked back to car. I kept asking H when was the first time he'd cheated on me. After 4 hours, he finally answered on our 30 min walk back to the car.

He said it was 3 months after we were married with an old girlfriend that lived in our building. (remember I've been married 23 years). My heart sank and I couldn't believe it. WHO IS THIS MAN? I don't even know him. I feel like our whole life together was a sham, nothing was real. H was always looking for that next gal to bed. And when you're first married, so in love, having sex all the time???

I truly believe HE has big problems. Why did this man get married and why did he live these LIES??

When I began, I wanted to believe we could rekindle our love and start over. MY HOPE has faded.
Can anyone offer any hope, insight.

I need a caring arm to lean on. All my friends are married and no-one truly understands. Sometimes I can't believe I'm still funtioning. I've been in therapy for over 2 years since my D went in rehab.

A little more info. H and OW appear to be on a break. I only saw 5-6 phone calls since our spring break. But I saw that my brother's X called H. They started calling back and forth regularly. They'd always flirted at family functions, their divorce was last fall.

I had lunch with gal that works with H, she said he'd asked if it was immoral for him to be with my brother's X? I'm telling you I don't know this man. YES, I realize he's in MLC, but this is bulls..t..

I wish I could stop looking at his cell phone recs. Last weekend I saw he was calling another girl. He calls his women from around 11 - 3 am. I think he goes out drinking then calls them to see if he can come over and get laid. I can't believe he has calls in this timeframe 3-5 nights a week.


HOPELESS in the midwest