Hello Anorsexia. I am new to this site too, just looking to find answers, hope, encouragement on the net and found this. I thought I was alone in this situation too. You never hear of the H who rejects the W, just the W who always has a HA. I do not have a single married female friend who can relate, however there are several married men I know who can.
I have not crossed that line yet, but I am getting so close. Like you I am in my early 30's with children. I do not want to leave a legacy of divorce for my children, nor one of adultry but I feel myself slowing slipping away.
My H not only has a LD but is also unaffectionate. We have sex on the average 2x a month-when he wants it. And even then it only lasts for a couple minutes. I rarely have the opportunity to enjoy it too because it is over so fast! When I have mentioned drugs (Viagra, Ginseng, anything!) he says they do not work, which let me know he has had this problem before. His ExW even told me he could not satisfy her. It makes me so angry that he was at least willing to try with her and with me, he just doesn't care. I am there to meet his semi-monthly needs and that is all that matters to him.
Unlike you however I had a great sex life with other lovers before I married my husband. I know what I like and I know how to get there(the BiG O), so I definitely know what I am missing.
I also had a OM tell me he fantasized about me and was also in a SSM. I told him to be strong and I would pray for him but I would not have sex with him. The deal is, I am not attracted to him and I worry if I do meet a man I am attracted to, I will fall. I even stay in touch with my ex-just in case, but as good as the sex was with him, I do not want to use him because I care too much about him as a friend.
My husband is a great father and I know he loves me, but I know he does not "like" me and has even told me so. I feel like roommates. I wish I could tell you there is hope-but I can only tell you that I will pray for you as I pray for myself. God put this desire for a connection to my husband in me and I pray that he will work it out for me. I have no energy, courage, self-esteem to try any more for myself.
