You are right, it is rather a contradiction to say that he is not part of the equation. It's a different kind of love that I share with this man. It's just the most open relationship I have ever shared with anyone. I can tell him anything and not feel judged. I can be kinky or naughty and know that he will not think any less of me. Heck, he will respect me more for being so open and he appreciates my sensuality which is something I've never experienced before either. It was like I came back to life after finding him. My H was basically my first relationship. We've been married almost 12 years. We get along fine, like brother and sister, not husband and wife. He is not a good communicator and in turn, I feel like I've lost the ability to communicate with him because I've been shut out for so long. Obviously sex is a sore subject. I've been turned down more times than a maxed out Visa card. I've played the initiator and played the waiting game. I've told him of my needs and tried to quiety ignore it. About 8 or 9 months ago, I broke down to him AGAIN and told him that I couldn't live like this and would not live like this. I was feeling so empty and alone and my self-esteem had taken such a huge nosedive. I find myself becoming very, very bitter and short-tempered. Things changed for about a month and then of course, as always, it went back to what it was. I was feeling really hopeful this time too. He made it clear to me that he understood how bad I felt and that I was going to get sex. I know in my heart I have to end the affair if I want to try one more time and give it my all, but I feel like I will be losing so much more than a lover. I'll be losing my best friend. Then there is my past experience that tells me he can't change. I've know OM for about 6 months and we've only been together face to face a few times. The first few months he was actually trying to help me turn my H around, as he had been in a similar situation himself years ago.
I apologize for the jumbled writing. I'm just a scatter brain lately.
