Hi All....thanks for the outpouring of support this last day....I NEEDED IT.
Especially since I am feeling quite devastated and hurt. Memories of when my M was "normal" and counting on H's fidelity was a given, and time we spent together that I thought he was having a good time as well.
Talked to friends who are NOT familiar with DB stuff, or the concept of saving a M, and they say, get a D. For now, I will separate, and move in my own direction, and see how I feel in 3-6 months. I have no idea how long this phase will last, or if it will ever end. It's so hard to believe that it seemed H came out of the tunnel and now back in, hard. I have no idea what to think. My gut tells me that he will wake from this some day, and want back, but I have no idea where I will be then. The only thing that keeps me afloat is my sense that we belong together, thinking of HIS patience with ME when I treated him poorly and he was miserable, and the positivity of so many on these boards facing equally stacked odds.
Today is nice....out of town with co-workers for a weekend conference. Taking my mind off of things. I have decided to move to a new place this coming week by July 1, whether H calls or not, and to also get a bank account. I think that space is what he wants too, but he's too much of a coward to tell me, or confused and avoiding. Either way, it's MY life on hold and I won't live it like that anymore. I will take the initiative to move out. DO YOU THINK THIS IS THE RIGHT DECISION? He hasn't called at all.
Mostly, I just want to give him the space too. He's either too scared to tell me he wants a separation, or a D. I'll do the first. We BOTH need space now.
SO...on another note, I'm moving to another thread in the "SEPARATED" forum, which is where I belong now.
It's been great here...so far I have come while here...I am still quite proud of myself and how I handled things...thanks to the support of folks here...
But, this is NOT goodbye...PLEASE VISIT ME ON THE NEW THREAD. PLEASE. I REALLY NEED SUPOPRT--AND YOUR WORDS MEAN SO MUCH.
