Had lunch with a mutual friend who knows of our sitch (mainly b/c she's our neighbor and would suspect that I was NEVER home). She cares for both of us but H and I are keeping her out of things. I did vent with her, which both she and I appreciated, btu I don't want things to get messy with others.
Anyway--she said "H will call you soon, I KNOW it." I said, "ya know, I don't expect a call for 1 month at least, and even then, I am prepared to be the one to call him b/c I need to figure out our plans to go to a wedding." She again said, "trust me, he will call soon....OK, I talked to him and asked him if the two of you would ever talk, and he said, 'of course, i just needed a week away from this.'"
So, who knows. Still not expecting anything. Frankly, I'm a little nervous of the call and am fully expecting him to drop the bomb now that he's calmed: I want out, a D. I am prepared for that speech.
On the off chance we just talk, with the new space, I'm not that eager to go back home. I kinda like our space and would like that for a bit more. This same friend said to me that I 'looked more radiant than she's ever seen me.' She also said that H looked good and was upbeat and she mentioned that we both needed the break from the craziness that became our lives. AMEN TO THAT.
So, now to the action part for ME: my new goal/thing to work on/180....
* Practice, within whatever capacity/bounds you have, authentic communication in replacement of PA or just plain aggressive behavior.
Since we weren't really communicating before (H was in fog-land and I was detached and acting as if), there wasn't much room for this. Now, there is. Whatever comes next, I want to know that I tried this, brought my own walls down to live life fully and communicate with a beloved person in my life with honesty and love. To overcome my fear of intimacy as it relates to communicating with H. I will do this for me, with no expectations of it being returned--especially at this stage of 'face the anger' for H.
