I am glad I checked your thread today. You have always been an inspiration and a source of support to me, so now I hope I can be one to you. I know how painful it is to find out that your worst suspicions are verified. It is such a painful reality. But listen, hon, you did not do that badly! Look at you today. You are already back, aware of what was good and what was not so good about your behavior. Your reactions were normal, don't beat yourself up. In some ways, as you said, it probably allowed H the truth of his worst fears, but now at least everything's out on the table. He's told you what he's done, and you've told him that it hurts more than anything you've ever experienced.
I don't know if you can manage this, but if this is close to what is in your heart, here's what I suggest: Tell H you are sorry for the parts last night when you were out of control. Tell him that you are hurt but that you are also really grateful that he told you the truth. That his honesty matters to you most. That you would like to stay married, and you don't know how to get from here to a healthy marriage but that you're willing to explore those possibilities with him.
Can you see how good it is that the truth is finally being revealed? Reassure him that the truth will make all the difference in having an R together. This is the beginning now, of the possibility for rebuilding. Everything you did before in your DBing was to allow for this to occur. I am so proud of you, you set the stage that he could speak. Let him know that you can handle the truth, even if it is hard, that you may rant and rave if you are hurt, but you are working on that, and that you will work it out - it is part of your process.
You have some wonderful things going on here. H is remembering that he loves you, cares about you, has happy memories of your life together. He even said he is coming out of the fog! Oh God I pray for that day with my H. I know how hard this is right now, but you are lucky. After every breakdown, is a breakthrough. You are at the beginning of new opportunities that you have allowed to surface. Keep up the good work, always. It is always OK to be your authentic self. H wanted to see that, see that you are human and that you care. He will also be happy today, when you once again come back to him with kindness and understanding. I know you can do it. I will keep checking on you.
PositivelyListening ************************************** When one door of happiness closes, another one opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. - Helen Keller
