A New Phase

[ACJ]

Always I have not posted to you before and neither am I at a point of reconciling with my H. however, I have been at that point before and so I can give you a little insight. IMHO you did not handle last night wrongly. You handled it in the only way you knew how.

When he told me had sex with another W, I was actually silent, not screaming or throwing up as I had imagined the scenario to play out.

The night my H came home last time he too told me he had slept with OW (please bear in mind that last time he only left for a month and he did not know this woman when he left!). I reacted exactly like you only unconsciously i took it one stage further and the first words that came out of my mouth were 'it doesn't matter'. Of course it mattered but that was my gut reaction. I had just spend the last month trying to convince my H to come home. Even the day before he had told me he didn't find me attractive anymore and did not want to date me! My anger came out the next day. I threw shoes at my wardrobe and make a mess of the paintwork. My h also told me he slept with OW just once. He even swore on the bible to this. Then it came out that it was twice and b/c he told me who it was i went and confronted her and she said 3 times. You know what it really doesn't matter how many times. Once is too many. However, I knew then what I still know now and that is that I love my H beyond comprehension and so slowly we rebuilt and for 18 months appeared to be happy. Things are not looking so good for me this t ime as he has been away 6 months and has actaully bought a flat and moved OW in. I now realise that the reason I find myself back here again is that we both slipped back into our old ways without even realising it. So what I am trying to say is this. Maybe you didn't DB very well last night but from today onwards and for the rest of your life with H (or any other R if it comes to that) you must live by the 'rules' b/c otherwise you will never escape this viscious circle. BTW I didn't have the luxury of knowing about DBing last time I wish I had.
I wish you all the luck you deserve